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July 3, 2008
Catblogging - A Very Sincere Form of Flattery
Here you see me taking advantage of a sunbeam to do some serious sleeping. Bruce thought this was worth a picture, and wherever there's a camera, there's also Boots trying to get in front of the lens. I think his theory is that if he got into the same position, Bruce would get the two of us confused. It's easy to see the difference, though: I'm the one who's actually in the sunbeam.
He is such a ham.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 4:35 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Catblogging | Tags: Boots cats family humor
The Cat's Meow - 07/03/08: Deadliness
A car is the deadliest weapon known to man. Before you get into a car with someone, consider that it would be slightly safer to hand him a loaded gun and then go someplace private.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 2:34 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More The Cat's Meow | Tags: cars conservative guns philosophy safety
July 2, 2008
Notes from Ferdy - Rosemary's News and Ideas
Rosemary of Rosemary's Thoughts has long been a friend to this blog. Recently, she opened up a new blog called Rosemary's News and Ideas. Rosemary was the first person to report that Laura Ingraham would be back on the air as of June 30, and she ultimately proved correct. This is a pretty impressive feat.
In any case, check out Rosemary's News and Ideas.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 1:16 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Notes from Ferdy | Tags: blogging conservative Laura Ingraham Rosemary's Thoughts
Catblogging - The Three Faces of Felinity
This is a visual essay in which I intend to demonstrate the difference between three different feline personality types.
Ferdinand, the Hunter |
Lucky, the Explorer |
Boots |
# At Wed 12:37 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Catblogging | Tags: Boots cats family humor Lucky
July 1, 2008
Laura Ingraham - Crazy Obama Rumors Need to be Stopped
Today on the Laura Ingraham radio show (I've missed saying that), she discussed this article in the Washington Post. The article discusses false rumors about Barack Obama and features interviews with people who believe them.
I have always had a firm commitment to the truth, and debunking false rumors is very important to me. As a result, I have collected together some of the more egregious rumors about Obama in hopes of putting them to rest once and for all.
- After a meeting with Barack Obama, a top immigration rights lawyer woke up in a bathtub full of ice with one of his kidneys missing.
- If you attempt to call Barack Obama's office on your cell phone while putting gas in your car, it will cause an explosion.
- While a community organizer in Chicago, Illinois, Barack Obama created a special scholarship fund that awards a prize to people who forward his emails.
- Obama has millions of dollars of campaign contributions trapped in a Nigerian bank, and he needs somebody to help him move it into this country.
As far as we can determine, none of these rumors are true.
We'll be keeping a close watch on Internet traffic, and if there any more false rumors being spread about Senator Obama, we'll do our best to make sure you hear about them.
Yes, it's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Tue 12:24 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative humor Nigerian scam rumors satire urban legends
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Rosemary's News and Ideas: Great Reading
June 30, 2008
Laura Ingraham - She's Back
I have nothing clever to say about Laura Ingraham's return to radio today, but because people do come here for news about her, I will mention it anyway.
It was pretty clear during her radio broadcast that she was very happy to be back.
The trial period for her Fox News Channel show-- Just In with Laura Ingraham-- expires this Friday. She continues to improve, although on today's show two of her guests got really angry at each other and the whole thing got very loud. Apparently, having the people with opposing viewpoints on at the same time is still dangerous.
Anyway, she's back, I'm happy, and that's all that really matters.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Mon 11:47 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: conservative Fox News Channel Laura Ingraham talk radio
June 29, 2008
Force Football - A Great Victory for Our Side
I now feel it is safe to predict that the Chicago Force won yesterday's game against the Detroit Demolition 8 to 7. I was not at the game myself (and my non-attendance has nothing to do with the fact that I'm terrified of loud noises), but Bruce was there as always, taking notes on his Palm Centro smartphone.
It turns out that the people who own Holmgren Field are concerned that Bruce and Nate might damage the bleachers from their frantic umbrella banging, so they were politely asked to desist. This warning proved to be inadequate, because it rained during the game, and all the rest of the fans with umbrellas starting banging them.
The game did not start out well. The high winds made passing difficult, so both teams played a running game. The Demolition would push forward a few yards at a time and the Force would push back, but the Demolition pushed harder. The problem was that the Demolition had learned how to stop ace Force linebacker Melissa Smith. Time and again the Force gave the ball to Smith and gained only one yard or nothing at all. Brandi Srda, who had five touchdowns in the Force's first five games, mostly worked defense. Occasionally the ball was given to Marcie Myers or Bridget Farhner, but the game was mostly Smith taking the ball and getting tackled by six or more Demolition players at a time.
The Force had one advantage over the Demolition in the first half: better kicking. A Force punt would travel across most of the field, while the Demolition punts were generally 10 or 20 yards. For this reason, the action during the first half remained mostly in Force territory until a series of first downs late in the second quarter took the Demolition within striking distance of the goal. With less than a minute remaining in the first half, the Demolition attempted a field goal, but it was no good. The first half was scoreless.
During the half-time break it started to rain. The rain would continue off and on until the game was almost over. The truly weird thing about this was that the Demolition, one of the winningest teams in the league, couldn't play in the rain. As the weather got rougher, the Force started making good progress down the field. Then, with less than 5 minutes left in the third quarter, the Demolition caught a Force punt and ran it all the way into the end zone for a touchdown.
I could tell Bruce was really depressed about this because he stopped taking notes. The kick for the extra point was good, and at the end of the third quarter, the Demolition led 7 to 0.
The Force, however, did not give up. They kept pushing downfield. Under pressure from the fans (or perhaps to break up the monotony) they began doing some passing and using trick plays in which somebody besides Melissa Smith would get the ball. The back-and-forth continued until a fumbled punt by the Demolition gave the ball to the Force 6 yards from the goal.
At this point, Bruce's notes say -&,S,@3$ TD. This means the Force scored a touchdown, but I have no idea how.
Then came the defining moment of the game. The safe thing would be to kick for an extra point, putting both teams at 7; however, as I said a few days ago, you don't win football games by playing it safe. The Force chose to go for a two-point conversion. Fortune favored the bold, and the conversion succeeded, putting us in the lead, 8 points to 7.
Now the Demolition had only two minutes of game time left to put additional points on the board. They began pushing hard, slowing working the ball toward the goal, but they also made mistakes, losing ground to penalties. A penalty put them at 3rd and 15. A hard stop by Force line player Dawn Pederson put them at 4th and 18. They attempted a pass, but it was broken up by veteran Force safety Linda Bache. There were now only 40 seconds left in the 4th quarter and the Force had the ball. For the Demolition, the game was over.
During the first half of yesterday's game, the Force spent most of its time trying to repeat the techniques that had enabled them to defeat the Demolition back in April, and it wasn't working; however, in the second half they began to get back into some of their usual trickiness, and they pulled out. The next round of the playoffs will pit the Force against the Pittsburgh Passion. Unlike the Demolition, the Passion has never played against the Force before (this is their first year in the IWFL), so I have no idea what to expect. There are, however, two former Force players on the Passion-- Jennifer Dulski and Debbie Sanchez, or-- as Bruce likes to call them-- the Human Cannonball and the Divine Wrath. Bruce and Nate are looking forward to seeing them again, but I personally would prefer to see them someplace other than the opposing team in a playoff game.
Nonetheless, the strength of the Force has always been their diversity. They can pass, they can run, and they can kick. The key to winning is doing so in a way the Passion can't predict. By the end of yesterday's game, that's what they were doing to the Demolition, and as a result Bruce and Nate aren't moping around the house they way they were this time last year. That moping thing affects my lifestyle, and because I'm a superior life form, it's important to our entire civilization.
The Eastern Conference championship game between the Force and the Passion will be on July 12 (a week from next Saturday) at 3pm in our very own Holmgren Field. It is a known fact that lots of cheering fans are good for a team, and it only costs $10 per person. In order to make it really easy to find the stadium, I've set up a direct link to the Mapquest map of the stadium here.
Please make an effort to attend. We're talking about something I care about. It's that important.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
UPDATE: I previously reported that the tackle prior to the Force touchdown was made by Kimberly Marks (#85). In fact, it was made by Dawn Pederson (#86). Bruce will be punished severely for typing the wrong number in his notes about the game.
# At Sun 2:56 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Force Football | Tags: Brandi Srda Bridget Fahrner Chicago Force Dawn Pederson Debbie Sanchez Detroit Demolition directions feminism football Holmgren Field Jennifer Dulski Linda Bache Marcie Myers Melissa Smith Pittsburgh Passion women
June 27, 2008
Force Football - Preparing for the IWFL Championship
At 3pm Central Time, June 28, 2008-- exactly 24 hours from now-- the first round of the IWFL playoffs will commence. The Chicago Force will be meeting their arch-enemies-- the Detroit Demolition-- at Holmgren Field. The winner will go on to compete for the championship of the Eastern Conference.
In situations like this, humans have an overpowering desire to predict how the game is going to end. In politics, this prediction process is accomplished by public opinion polls. Tragically, even the most scientific cross section of the American public is not going to give us any information about how tomorrow's game is going to go, and a cat's psychic powers only predict the past, not the future. As a result, I have to rely on a far darker and more mysterious procedure: statistical analysis.
The Force has two strengths: a large roster (61 players) and a tricky offensive style.
Sixty-one players is a big deal. Most teams field a roster in the low forties. Of the eight teams participating in the playoffs, only the Pittsburgh Passion is larger, with 71 players. Not coincidentally, the Passion is also the only other undefeated team in the Eastern Conference.
Size isn't everything. Yes, the Force has a lot of players, but it also has a lot of good ones. Pam Schaffrath averages 6 tackles per game, and most of the time they're on the far side of the line of scrimmage. Sam Grisafe throws an average of 55 yards per game. In 7 games, she threw 8 touchdown passes. On the running side, Bridget Farhner averages 27 yards per game, Esther Henigan averages 45 yards per game, and Melissa Smith averages 85 yards per game. This is serious stuff.
The other aspect of the Force's winning strategy is trickiness. It is not surprising that when the Force has the ball, Bruce has a difficult time figuring out where the stupid thing is, but even Nate-- who has no major learning disorders-- has trouble following the action. In the home opener against the Detroit Demolition, Sam Grisafe's throwing arm was having an off day and Esther Henigan was injured, so the Force kept giving the ball to Melissa Smith so she could run with it. All the Demolition had to do was throw every player they had at Smith, but they couldn't find her. She ran for 121 yards that day,
In a running game, there are two basic approaches: speed players like Henigan switch directions rapidly so that the defenders are always in the wrong place. Strength players like Smith and Farhner go for the shortest path to the end zone, relying on brute force to keep going. Force rookie Brandi Srda brings a third type of play to the game: she is so small that she can actually squeeze between the defensive players on her way to the goal posts. At least, this is Bruce's theory. In actual fact, all he can be sure of is that she can run toward a line of opposing players and somehow end up on the other side.
So, this is the good news. The bad news is that while the Force has a diverse roster of good players and smart coaching, the Demolition looks like it has been produced by a copy machine that specializes in large, hulking women who all know the same moves. Before the game last April, Nate was coming up with all sorts of theories about why This Time It Will Be Different (e.g. it was our first ever night game at home), but Bruce watched the warm up and felt his heart sink: the Force was trying passing moves and running moves in small groups, while the Demolition stood in a perfect grid pattern going through what looked like some sort of football-based martial arts drill. Still, the Force won, and it did not take a superior life form to understand why.
Last year, when the Force met the Demolition, they weren't playing to win. They were playing not to lose. They played as if doing everything correctly and avoiding mistakes could break their losing streak against this one team they had never been able to solve. But tackle football is not about being careful. There are many pursuits in life where you wear a helmet to protect your head against a worst-case scenario, but in tackle football you wear the helmet because you know you are going to be doing things that are completely insane. You are going to try to drag yourself forward while four people are holding onto your legs. You are going to be running into unknown territory while looking backward. You are going to throw your entire body into the air in the hopes you will be able to stop another person who is doing the craziest thing of all: trying to get past a bunch of athletes who don't care if they get hurt. Part of the reason America has tackle football instead of soccer is that we can afford the more expensive fields and equipment, but the biggest reason is that doing crazy things is what America is all about. After all, no sane group of people would have staged a revolution against the most powerful empire in history and then compounded the error by setting up a whole new form of government.
So, tomorrow the Force goes up against the Demolition, and if we play to win, I think we have a good chance of beating our arch-enemies a second time and moving on to the next round. If that happens, it will be a victory for the American approach to life.
Otherwise, watch out, because I'm going to be very depressed.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Fri 3:00 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Force Football | Tags: Brandi Srda Bridget Fahrner championship Chicago Force Detroit Demolition feminism football history Linda Bache Melissa Smith Pam Schaffrath philosophy Pittsburgh Passion Sam Grisafe women
Conservative Cat: A Great Victory for Our Side
June 26, 2008
Confused Americans for Truth - Pop Quiz: What's the Worst Thing You Can Do in an Oil Crisis?
In the past, I have discussed the phenomenon of Inventory Profits. In an environment where prices are increasing, a failure of the supply to meet the demand causes profits to increase by an unusually large percentage.
About a month ago, I discussed how this related to the recent furore over oil profits. During the first half of 2008, our gasoline inventories dropped by almost 50%. This drop in inventories caused a huge spike in oil company profits, even though the price charged at the pump has kept pace with the price of oil. In other words, the profits were not a result of price gouging, they were the result of accounting methods.
The thing you have to remember about inventory profits, however, is that they are not real. Consider, for example, a situation where a barrel of oil costs $100 on the current market and the net price of the gasoline from that barrel is $130. Because I'm unable to keep up with demand, I end up selling old barrels I originally purchased for $50 at the $130 price, giving me an incredible profit of $80. But, when it comes time to replace that barrel of oil, I'm paying $100, not $50. So the cash I have left at the end of the day is $30, even though my income statement shows a profit of $80. (If you're having trouble following all these numbers, check out the Flash video below the fold.)
The thing is, I have to have enough cash to pay the taxes on the $80. If I use my cash on hand to replace the oil so that I can keep up with customer demand, I'll end up tax-rich and cash-poor. So, I end up letting my inventories continue to drop, exacerbating the shortage.
Okay, so here's the pop quiz: what's the worst possible thing you can do in this environment? We have a shortage of marketable oil products, and oil companies can't replenish their inventories without unpleasant tax consequences.
If you answered windfall profits tax, then you win the prize. You have just demonstrated that you have a better understanding of economics than every single U.S. Senator listed in the table below. (Hat tip Human Events.)
| Akaka (D-HI) Baucus (D-MT) Bayh (D-IN) Biden (D-DE) Bingaman (D-NM) Boxer (D-CA) Brown (D-OH) Cantwell (D-WA) Cardin (D-MD) Carper (D-DE) Casey (D-PA) Conrad (D-ND) Dodd (D-CT) Dorgan (D-ND) Durbin (D-IL) Feingold (D-WI) | Feinstein (D-CA) Harkin (D-IA) Inouye (D-HI) Johnson (D-SD) Kerry (D-MA) Klobuchar (D-MN) Kohl (D-WI) Landrieu (D-LA) Lautenberg (D-NJ) Leahy (D-VT) Levin (D-MI) Lieberman (ID-CT) Lincoln (D-AR) McCaskill (D-MO) Menendez (D-NJ) Mikulski (D-MD) Murray (D-WA) | Nelson (D-FL) Nelson (D-NE) Pryor (D-AR) Reed (D-RI) Reid (D-NV) Rockefeller (D-WV) Salazar (D-CO) Sanders (I-VT) Schumer (D-NY) Smith (R-OR) Snowe (R-ME) Stabenow (D-MI) Tester (D-MT) Webb (D-VA) Whitehouse (D-RI) Wyden (D-OR) |
This list of Senators who don't understand economics was brought to you by the letter D. Remember that in November.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
Continue reading "Pop Quiz: What's the Worst Thing You Can Do in an Oil Crisis?"
# At Thu 3:36 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Confused Americans for Truth | Tags: conservative Democrats economics energy gas prices liberals oil taxes windfall profits tax
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June 23, 2008
Catblogging - Lucky Cat's Printout Delivery Service
Every cat has a favorite napping place. Lucky's is on top of the laser printer. Now, the thing about laser printers is that they periodically make loud noises and spit out paper. An ordinary cat would conclude from this sort of thing that a laser printer is a bad place to nap. But Lucky is positively fearless, so the noises don't bother him, and as far as the paper-spitting goes, you can see his response in the video below.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Mon 9:50 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (7) | More Catblogging | Tags: cats computers family humor Lucky printers video
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Rosemary's Thoughts: Alert: MAF Web-o-thon for the Troops!
Jo's Cafe: Off Days
EMAIL Hell - 2012, the End of the World, and Ethical Spam
Today we received an entirely new type of spam EMAIL.The gist of the message revolved around a doomsday predicted at the end of 2012. After several paragraphs about voodoo, magic spells, black holes, and ancient prophecies, there was the following paragraph.
Marketing Systems supports ethical email marketing. To remove yourself from future mailings, please click here to use our automated removal system, or simply reply to this email with "No Email" in the subject line. You will be removed from our mailing database within seven (7) days.
It just seemed to me that there was something marvelously symbolic about a combination of voodoo and ethical spamming.
Anyway, the 2012 doomsday theory has a long history, so I thought I should spend a little time debunking this particular myth. Apparently, the ancient Mayans had multiple calendars-- some religious and some secular-- and by combining these using a technique called the calendar round they could pinpoint dates anywhere within a 5000-year period.
Every 52 years there was a five-day gap required to synchronize with the sun. The Mayans believed these intercalary days were unlucky. The end of the full-blown 5000-year calendar round was considered to be super-unlucky, and many people believe that this will be the end of the world.
This is, of course, a huge exaggeration. It is true that in 2012 we will be wrapping up four years with either John McCain or Barack Obama in the White House, and to many of you this may seem like an open invitation for the world to end, but there's something important you have to understand: the United States Constitution was specifically designed to protect us from the government. The whole conservative movement is about insuring that the United States, and the people who live in it, can endure and even thrive with incompetents at the helm. As long as we hold to that principle, as long as we fight to defend and protect that Constitution, the world will not end.
Trust me on this. We cats have been around a lot longer than the Mayans.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Mon 3:57 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More EMAIL Hell | Tags: conservative Constitution magic Mayans philosophy prophets voodoo
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Red_State_Blue: Tortured Journalism
June 21, 2008
Confused Americans for Truth - Even with Green Jobs, It's the Long Run and Maynard Keynes is Dead
Environmentalists will tell you that the future is a new, better, cleaner world, with green jobs fueling a whole new economy.
The problem is, it's economic nonsense.
If I come up with a less expensive way to generate energy, then the people who use my new service will have new funds to spend on other things or invest in new businesses. This increases economic activity, which increases employment and the general standard of living. On the other hand, if I come up with a more expensive way to do something essential, the money is pulled away from other sources of economic activity and the general standard of living drops.
Green jobs fall in the latter category, because they are inserted into the supply chain by force. Bruce is not going to use ethanol because it's cheaper, he's going to use it because it's the law, and the funds he must divert to pay for it will ultimately force the local Pizza Hut to lay off one of their delivery drivers. You can disguise the chain of consequences by creating a network of subsidies and government initiatives, but whether Bruce's money is consumed by higher taxes, higher food prices, or higher fuel prices, the Pizza Hut delivery guy is still out of a job.
It's a basic law of economics, and the most audacious hope in the world can't change the laws of economics.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sat 6:33 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (5) | More Confused Americans for Truth | Tags: conservative economics environmentalism ethanol liberals pizza politics
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June 19, 2008
Laura Ingraham - Just In: Another Laura Ingraham Behind-the-Scenes Video
Once upon a time, when I needed inspiration, I would to listen to the Laura Ingraham radio show. This was such a big factor that when Bruce needed extra time to work and didn't want me to write anything, he'd skip that day's show.
Now, I go to YouTube.
This video shows Laura having some fun with her office nameplate and joking on the phone with a staffer's father. The interesting part, however, is her recap of an argument she had with an Obama staffer during the show. On radio, you have time to go back over things that have been discussed earlier. This is in fact the key contribution made by the audience callers. On television, everything is planned in advance. Once you've moved on from a topic, it's not going to come back. Hence, the after-the-show YouTube videos.
We'll be skipping today's edition of Just In with Laura Ingraham because Bruce needs to work, but if anybody finds out what the heck the This or That segment is about, please let me know.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 3:51 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative Laura Ingraham talk radio television YouTube
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June 18, 2008
Laura Ingraham - This Just In About Oil Prices
Yesterday on her new show Just In With Laura Ingraham, Laura opened with a segment on high gas prices. Laura makes good use of the video medium with a person-on-the-street clip in which she shows pictures of ANWR and asks service station customers whether they think the caribou are worth all this trouble.
Check out, however, the opening videos of the Al Gore / Barack Obama love-fest.
Like so many Democrats (and voters), Al and Barack talk about renewable, carbon-neutral fuels. Such fuels all require magic, because the renewable fuels currently under consideration are still hydrocarbons that operate by oxidizing hydrogen and carbon into greenhouse gases. If we choose to ignore the climate effects of water vapor, then hydrogen is a real possibility. It seems renewable because we can make it by cracking water or ethanol; however, both those processes require more energy than is released by burning the hydrogen, so it's only renewable if you have an unlimited supply of fossil fuels or nuclear energy to use to make the hydrogen.
Therefore, the only technology that exists now to reduce greenhouse emissions is to use nuclear energy to make hydrogen fuel cells. Obama says that drilling in ANWR is pointless because it won't produce immediate results; however, his renewable, greenhouse-safe new energy source is still in the laboratory. Why can't we do what's best for the people of America right now while we wait for the future solution to work its way out into the real world?
For too long, American energy policy has been based on a network of slogans and pipe dreams, but things are changing. President Bush and Candidate McCain have both started to see the light on this subject. Laura has promised she won't let it go. You can rest assured that we won't, either.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 4:06 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: Al Gore Barack Obama conservative energy environmentalism George W. Bush Global Warming hydrogen John McCain Laura Ingraham oil
June 17, 2008
Confused Americans for Truth - Obama Opposes New Policy, Claims Change Would be The Same
Admit it. You've all known this headline was coming. Here's the story: it's about offshore oil drilling.
Obama says that the answer to high oil prices is to reduce consumption. This has been the goal of every U.S. President since Richard Nixon. Obama also says we need to find alternatives to fossil fuels. This part of his policy is identical to the one proposed in 2006 by a man named George W. Bush.
What drives conservatives crazy about Barack Obama is that on domestic policy, he represents the same free-spending ideology that has driven this country since Bush took over in 2001. For example, on Father's Day Obama delivered a speech about the need for fathers to take responsibility for children, and while most pundits gushed about the enormity of this astounding idea, the actual policy solutions inside the speech contained a slew of new government programs. The answer is always spending.
Obama is correct that if we drill now, it won't immediately bring prices down, but research on alternative fuels is going to take even longer, since we're looking for a technology that doesn't yet exist. While waiting for this miracle alternative fuel to appear, maybe we can use the oil we have right now to limit the pain. This limited pain will provide the economic growth we desperately need so we can fund Barack's program to pay black men to live with the mothers of their children. I'm a superior life form, so I have to think of these things.
Anyway, the good news here is that John McCain has learned that he can distance himself from both George W. Bush and Barack Obama at the same time by moving to the right on domestic policy issues. This means that by the time November arrives, we could actually have a presidential candidate worth supporting. It's huge.
And unlike anything Barack Obama has ever thought in his entire life, it would be a real change.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Tue 1:44 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Confused Americans for Truth | Tags: Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative drill now economics energy fatherhood George W. Bush liberals oil philosophy politics renewable taxes
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Laura Ingraham - This Just In About Just In With Laura Ingraham
Yesterday afternoon Laura Ingraham's new show Just In With Laura Ingraham debuted on the Fox News Channel. The first four minutes of the show are currently available on the Fox Web Site. By an annoying coincidence, this is exactly how much of the show we were able to watch on Bruce's phone before he lost the video signal.
In the meantime, here's Laura's behind-the-scenes YouTube video, in which she compares her office to Greta Van Susteren's.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Tue 9:33 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: Fox News Channel Greta Van Susteren humor Laura Ingraham television video
June 16, 2008
Notes from Ferdy - The Uncontrolled Genetic Engineering that Nobody's Talking About
We all know the very real dangers of genetic engineering. Forward-thinking environmental groups such as Greenpeace have long warned against it, yet some of the most dangerous and uncontrolled genetic experimentation in the history of the planet is taking place right under your very nose, and absolutely nobody is talking about it.
I'm going to give you a new word that describes a frightening concept. If you're at all faint of heart, stop right now and go to a different blog, because once I've explained this word to you, you'll never be able to forget it.
The word is prophaging.
Prophaging is the process of removing genetic material from a bacterium and grafting it into the DNA of another bacterium. Like the genetic engineering of food crops, prophaging has the following associated risks. [Hat tip to the Organic Consumers Association for pointing these out.]
- Imprecise Technology A prophager moves genes from one organism to another. The gene cut from the donor organism is entirely random. In some cases, the entire donor cell is cannibalized, and random hunks of its DNA inserted into randomly-selected hosts. As a consequence, there is a risk that it may disrupt the functioning of other genes essential to the life of the host organism.
- No Long-Term Safety Testing Prophaging uses material from organisms that have never been part of the human food supply to change the fundamental nature of cells that permeate the food we eat. Without long-term testing no one knows if this is safe.
- Toxins Prophaging can cause unexpected mutations in a bacteria which might turn it into a deadly disease. Many scientists believe that the antibiotic-resistant MRSA Staph may have been created by prophaging.
- Problems Cannot Be Traced Prophaging is completely uncontrolled. Harmful mutations from prophaged bacteria could cause terrible damage to food crops, unknown allergic reactions, or even new plagues, and health agencies are powerless to trace such problems back to their source.
The potential for tragedy is staggering.
How does prophaging work? Tiny viruses called bacteriophages invade donor cells and steal their DNA. The stolen DNA is then transmitted to host cells where it is inserted into the host's chromosomes.
Scientists first learned about bacteriophages in the late 1890s. Before they understood the virus's applications to genetic engineering, bacteriophages were used as a medical alternative to antibiotics. Prophage-engineered genes can now be found in soil samples, ocean water, and even in the human intestine. Some scientists even believe that bacteriophages were produced by an unknown intelligent agency 6000 years ago. If so, then by now they completely permeate Earth's fragile biosphere.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Gosh, Ferdy, what can I do about this uncontrolled and potentially devastating genetic engineering experiment taking place all over the world." I'm glad you asked that question. Here are my proposals.
- Write to the candidates. Both Barack Obama and John McCain claim to be interested in the environment. If that's really the case, why aren't they talking about prophaging?
- Talk to environmental groups. People who worry about gene-splicing in the laboratory need to know about the uncontrolled gene-splicing happening every single second of every single day.
- More money for Bruce's project. The NMPDR genome annotation process has already identified over 4600 bacterial genes produced by prophaging. If Bruce's contract is renewed, they'll be able to find even more.
- More cheese for me. Mozzarella cheese contains cultured milk products. The culturing process involves bacteria that may contain genes affected by prophaging. As a public safety measure, buy all the mozzarella cheese you can find and ship it to me here in Schaumburg so I can analyze it.
Remember, this is serious business: if God had intended the Earth to be a place of constant change where countless species are created and destroyed every single day, he wouldn't have invented the Endangered Species Act.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Mon 2:18 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Notes from Ferdy | Tags: antibiotics bacteria Barack Obama conservative environmentalism evolution genetic engineering Greenpeace humor John McCain medicine metagenomes microbiology mozzarella cheese NMPDR Organic Consumers Association paranoia philosophy prophage satire science staphylococcus aureus
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June 15, 2008
Force Football - My Predictions for the 2008 Chicago Force Regular Season
Regular readers know that I never predict the future, I just predict the past. So, the fact that I'm making predictions about the 2008 women's football regular season means the season is, in fact, over. Fortunately, the Chicago Force is going to be in the playoffs this year, so it's not all over.
The Force closed the regular season yesterday at home, defeating the Wisconsin Wolves 42-7. The Force have won every game this year. In the IWFL Eastern Conference, the only other undefeated team is the Pittsburgh Passion. According to the tie-breaking rules of the league, absent any games between the two tied teams, the leader is determined by the number of points allowed in regular season games. The Force only allowed 35 points and the Passion allowed 81, so the Force seeds at the top of the conference. This means that they get the home field advantage in any playoff games, and since the championship is in Chicago this year, there is a real possibility that the Force could play three post-season games right here in Chicago at Holmgren Field. (Note the convenient link I'm providing so you can get directions.)
Rest assured that if this happens, I will predict it. In the meantime, here's more about yesterday's game.
Veteran fullback Bridget Fahrner's parents were in the stands this time, and as a result, the cheering got pretty rowdy. Bruce and Peg-Eye Nate chose a short bench in the front so that the vibrations from the umbrella-banging wouldn't bother people, but Nate was so excited that he still got complaints. Fortunately, his new umbrella, which is a steel-shaft reinforced 62" Gustbuster Pro Gold Series, survived the heavy banging. This was a new thing for Nate.
The Wolves made one touchdown, in the second quarter of the game, a long pass to Wolves Wide Receiver McGee Steffes. Steffes evaded a last-ditch diving tackle by Force safety Linda Bache to get into the end zone; however, as I predicted late last night after the game, it was the last touchdown the Force would allowed all season.
The most intense part of the game came in the last minute of the first half. With no time-outs left and the clock running down from 30 seconds, the Force ran three plays in rapid succession culminating in a touchdown by Melissa Smith with only 8 seconds left. It was the team's fourth touchdown of the game and Smith's third. This has been an incredible year for Smith, who has a rushing average of 84 yards per game (a feat which I will be predicting later today).
The Force has been stressing its passing game in the past several weeks. Notable passes yesterday include a 30-yard throw from quarterback Sam Grisafe to Patricia Harper and a second-quarter touchdown pass to Angie Bandstra. I have on a previous occasion talked about the sheer insanity of the forward pass in football, which involves plucking a ball out of the air while running away from it and avoiding a cluster of angry defensive players. Bruce himself experienced a little of this during the after party when a giant poster of veteran Tight End Trish Nelson fell on top of him. As I could have predicted, he completely agreed with me about the whole insanity thing.
Also, regarding the after party, Bruce would like to point out that if you are going to make a candle holder that looks like a drinking glass, then it should not drip hot wax out of the bottom when somebody accidentally picks it up.
Finally, I would like to give a shout-out to Conservative Cat reader KentuckyJim, who stopped by to talk to Bruce and Nate at the game. Jim is a quality control and management consultant who lives in Kentucky but occasionally works in Chicago. Normally, when Bruce meets with quality control experts, it ends in violence and death threats, but fortunately, Jim's area of expertise is nuclear energy and environmental management, so he didn't make the mistake of criticizing Bruce's work.
Anyway, the first playoff game is June 28-- less than two weeks from today-- at the Force home stadium, at 3pm. The Force will be playing their arch-enemies, the Detroit Demolition. We absolutely must win that game in order to proceed to the championship, so if you're going to be in the area, be sure to stop by and cheer them on.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sun 1:20 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Force Football | Tags: Angie Bandstra Bridget Fahrner Chicago Force feminism football humor IWFL Linda Bache McGee Steffes Patricia Harper Patricia Nelson Pittsburgh Passion predictions Sam Grisafe Wisconsin Wolves women
June 14, 2008
Ferdy at the Movies - Halfway Home, but There's Just One More Thing
Last night was the mid-season finale of Battlestar Galactica. If you have not yet seen it, stop here and come back later. The spoilers begin below the fold.
Continue reading "Halfway Home, but There's Just One More Thing"
# At Sat 3:58 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Ferdy at the Movies | Tags: appeasement Battlestar Galactica conservative cylons humans philosophy Revelations television War on Terror
June 13, 2008
Confused Americans for Truth - Phone Call from Deluded Democrats
Bruce lives on the border between the district of Democrat Melissa Bean and the district of Republican Peter Roskam. Due to a clerical error, the gerrymander designed to put his house in a Roskam's Republican stronghold missed and grabbed his neighbors across the street instead. In the attached photo of Bruce's driveway and front yard, the garage and the foreground shrubs are in Bean's district, while the rose, the maple, and half of the pine bush belong to Roskam.
Anyway, because of his precarious geographic position, Bruce gets at least one call a week from either Peter Roskam or his opponent, and he has been letting the answering machine take the calls because he is not one of Roskam's constituents.
Today, he made an exception. This time, the call was from a Democrat special interest group who was expressing outrage that with Families Everywhere Hurting Because of High Gas Prices, Roskam chose to vote down the Consumer First Energy Act a law that would increase taxes for oil companies.
I am not distorting anything here. It was a recorded message, so the same words went out to everybody, and the talking points they chose were a windfall profits tax and fewer corporate tax deductions. Nothing about price relief, nothing about solving the problem, just more taxes and revenge.
Okay, so the Democrats think it's more important to punish people than to solve problems. This is not new. But more important than that is the fact that Peter Roskam sits in the House, and the Consumer First Energy Act is a Senate bill that failed cloture, so Roskam never had a chance to vote against it.
THIS is the group of lunatics to whom you entrusted your fates in 2006, people. I warned you again and again that the Democrats could not be trusted to run the country, and YOU DIDN'T LISTEN.
So, when you're considering how to vote in November, keep in mind that the Democrats chose to solve the oil crisis by raising taxes and increasing regulation, and their much-lauded ethanol subsidies haven't taken one dime out of the price at the pump. Instead, food is more expensive.
Don't ignore my advice a second time.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat