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November 18, 2004
The Dimwit Zone - Salvaged from the Sports Archives
Transcript of a radio broadcast dated November 3, 2004
Anchor:....and that concludes the Weather report. Turning to sports, one of the local Texas college sports teams recently competed in the state finals. We turn to Bill, who is live on the scene. Bill?
Bill: Thank you, Tod. A great number of sports fans went home disappointed today when the local team, the Panhandle Pachyderms, placed fourth in the state track meet. I'm standing here with the team captain, Bash Thickhead. Bash, what do think the reason was for your loss today.
Bash: Well, Bull...
Bill: Bill, please.
Bash: Whatever. I really don't know what happened. I spent the last three weeks lifting weights and it hasn't reduced my time at all.
Bill: Uh, Bash, wouldn't it be better to use a treadmill? I mean, you run with your legs, not your arms.
Bash: Look, at this point I'll try anything. You sure about this treadmill thing?
Bill: Trust me. Back to you, Ted.
Tod: Tod, please.
Bill: Whatever.
Tod: And now over to Frank in New Jersey. Frank, can you hear me?
Frank shouting to be heard over construction noises in the background: Just barely, Bill.
Tod: Tod! I'm Tod!
Frank: Whatever. I'm standing outside the home track of the Jersey Jackasses. This has been their 12th consecutive loss, and the 12th consecutive remodeling of their home track. I'm standing here with team captain. Um, what was your name again?
Male voice: We're a team, Frank, and there is no "I" in team.
Frank: Whatever. Why do you think you lost the race?
Male voice: The track was too narrow, Frank. We couldn't get past our opponents. We're already working on a plan to widen the track.
Frank: Have you found somebody to take care of that?
Male voice: There is no "I" in improvement, Frank. It will be a team effort.
Frank: Whatever. Anyway, Tod, this will be the 12th track improvement by the Jackasses since their losing streak began.
Male voice: We prefer to call it a victory-deficient interval, Tod. There is no "losing" in "team".
Frank: As I was saying, previous improvements include making it smoother because it was too rough, making it rough when it was too smooth, creating sharper turns, creating wider turns.
Male voice: I think it shows a lot of courage that we're willing to admit that the reason we're losing has nothing to do with us. After all, there's no "I" in "losing".
Frank: Whatever...
Transcript ends
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