The Conservative Cat

The article begins with an anecdote about the moment the writer feels derailed the Kerry campaign.

On the afternoon of Aug. 9, John F. Kerry stood on the lip of the Grand Canyon, about to make one of the biggest mistakes of his three-year quest for the presidency. A stiff wind was blowing across the canyon, and Kerry, whose hearing was damaged by gun blasts in Vietnam, had trouble understanding some of the questions being thrown his way. But he pressed on, coughing from the pollen blowing on the breeze.

Would Kerry have voted to authorize the use of force in Iraq, one reporter asked, even if he knew then that Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction? "Yes, I would have voted for the authority; I believe it's the right authority for a president to have," Kerry replied, as aides stood by, dumbfounded.

The article goes on to describe how the Bush campaign "pounced" on the mistake.

This is almost a textbook example of whitewashing: the chronicler is trying to explain a mistake by invoking special circumstances (wind and hearing loss in this case). The whitewash is always applied well after the incident (when there's been sufficient time to determine the damage level and think of an excuse). We suspect it's a whitewash rather than the truth because Kerry blew only the one question. (You can see the other questions here.) In addition, the key incident (not hearing the question) was one that could not be verified by witnesses as true or false.

We are further told that the campaign decided not to correct the mistake because it would have fed "Republican efforts to portray Kerry as a 'flip-flopper'." In other words, they let the flip-flop stand because it would have made him look like a flip-flopper to go back on his response.

There is a simple, easy explanation for Kerry's reputation as a flip-flopper: he analyzes every situation when it happens and then chooses the plan that in his opinion provides the best chance of success. This is how the Boston Globe describes the problem.

The senator firmly believed he was being consistent -- voting yes on the resolution to give the president the clout to resume inspections, but warning Bush not to move hastily. At one point, when aides tried to coax him into a simpler message, he spread papers on the floor to show how the fine points of his arguments fit.

"John got caught with his legalistic and logical mind wanting to make consistency matter, and not let them say [he's] a flip-flopper," said Kerry's longtime friend David Thorne.

This theme-- that Kerry's brilliance makes his opinions difficult to understand-- is repeated throughout the article.

"John's complexity hurt him," said his former Yale roommate Daniel Barbiero.

As a politician, Kerry tends to be cautious and deliberate.

By the time a new team of battle-tested advisers persuaded Kerry to speak in clear, simple terms -- calling Bush's Iraq policy "a colossal failure" -- the dynamics of the campaign were already set.

I especially like the article's take on the windsurfing incident.

Nothing helped Kerry think more clearly than an afternoon of windsurfing the Atlantic behind his wife's $9 million Nantucket beach house. On Monday afternoon, Aug. 30, as Republican delegates began trekking from their city hotels to opening night at Madison Square Garden, Kerry sat on the beach toying with a new sail, eager to test it out.

A salty breeze and white-capped surf beckoned. So Kerry slipped his board into the sea, stood upright holding the neon pink-striped sheet, and began sailing back and forth, back and forth, zigzagging among the small boats in the harbor.

Windsurfing was not a hobby likely to resonate with laid-off Ohio steelworkers or other swing voters. And Republicans gleefully seized upon the footage of the Nantucket scene in an ad suggesting Kerry's positions moved "whichever way the wind blows."

Here we have another type of whitewash. Unlike the first example, which is covering a mistake, this one is trying to cast an incident in a different light. The key to this type of whitewash is an appeal to emotional states and the use of superlatives. Windsurfing is portrayed as an essential ingredient to the functioning of Kerry's superior mind, and the writer invokes both joy (playing with a new sail) and pathos (Kerry's need to recharge his mental batteries before the debate).

One thing you can be sure of: both Kerry and the writer of the article believe they're telling the truth. The article's one-sided portrayal and somber tone, however, are probably setting off warning bells in your mind. Those are cat bells, my friends, and this is why your life will turn out a lot better than Kerry's: you have the instincts of a cat and he doesn't.

This is what really matters.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat