The Conservative Cat

James Wigderson at Wigderson Library and Pub submitted Marquette not changing their name to The Inquisition either. James pulled out all the stops to make Newsweek feel good by posting an article that is completely wrong. Unfortunately, James was predicting, not reporting. I'm afraid the people at Newsweek are not going to feel any better about this one.

Andrew Ian Dodge at Dodgeblogium submitted Hrm ..., which attempts to prove a conspiracy using pictures. This is good stuff, but the pictures look too real. I can't imagine Newsweek gaining any comfort from this one. Next time, Andrew, do a little photoshopping so the pictures look more fake.

Mike Marchand at marchand chronicles submitted I Suck. Talking about yourself and spicing it up with pictures of beautiful women is a highly respected tradition in the mainstream media, but the content of Mike's article is devoted to building up democracy, not tearing it down. I don't think Mike's submission is going to do the job, either.

Nikita Demosthenes submitted this untitled missive. Unfortunately, Nikita made the mistake of linking to all her sources. This is exactly the practice that distinguishes reliable blogs from MSM wannabees. Instead of helping, I think it just makes things worse.

Nikita also submitted this article, which is a puff piece for George Allen. It holds a lot of promise, but I think it's way too long for the average Newsweek reporter. The excerpt of the interview with Mike Nelson, however, explains why Peg-Eye Nate likes his Mystery Science Theatre DVDs so much.

Spirit Fingers submitted Skimpy Heroics, an essay about the venerable tradition of super-heroes and skimpy red outfits. This is an excellent example of using sexual pandering to compensate for a lack of content. Unfortunately, such practices are so commonplace they've become respectable. I can't see Michael Isikoff saying to himself "Well, we may have had our facts wrong, but at least we didn't show a half-naked Hong Kong action star."

Beth of My Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy submitted FYI. Beth dealt with the intense deadline pressure of daily blogging by posting a quick-and-dirty article featuring a handful of links. Unfortunately, the bulk of Beth's article talks about cats. Even the lamest discussion of cats is more worthwhile than the whole last year of Newsweek. I'm a huge fan of Beth's blog, but I'm afraid this time she let me down.

Mustang 23 at Assumption of Command submitted Eat it Now, Taste it Later. I have to be honest: based on the title, I had very high hopes for this one, which proved to be a fairly long build-up to a pretty lame ending. Nonetheless, there's not a single fact in the article that's clearly wrong, and it doesn't make the U.S. military look evil enough. So once again, I come away disappointed.

Practical Penumbra submitted At Least it Wasn't a Worm, an abbreviated drama about a ladybug and a missing salad bag; however, the author's failure to mention the name of the offending salad manufacturer smacks too much of journalistic responsibility. The attempts by the commenters to cheer up the author just makes it worse.

Mad Anthony submitted this article, which not only features two pictures, but embeds them as links, forcing the reader to load two off-screen web pages to see almost the same picture twice. I can see that sort of thing driving people to potentially deadly riots, but it's not something Newsweek can duplicate, so I can't see it making them feel any better.

Point Five submitted a very disturbing tale called Thomas and Gordon and the Abandoned Siding. This is good stuff, because it's an attempt to be funny that somehow falls flat. Sadly, that is also an accurate description of Air America, and Newsweek likes Air America.

From Will of Willisms, we have Fontifier, which is essentially an unpaid advertisement for a novelty web service that converts your handwriting to a downloadable font. I tried the service myself, but every single letter ended up looking like a pawprint. Still, this is exactly the sort of offbeat story that mainstream journalists love, so I can't see it as a good example of how dangerous an unfettered blogosphere can be.

Brian J. Noggle submitted Fanboy Attack, which points out a factual error in one of Mark Steyn's movie reviews. I'm afraid, however, that instead of making Newsweek feel good, it's more likely to drive home the lesson that new media reporters are self-policing. This is another case where we'd be making Michael Isikoff and his colleagues feel worse instead of better.

Rick Moran of Rightwing Nuthouse officially retired his nom de guerre Superhawk in I Will Be Superhawk No More Forever. Unfortunately, he spoiled the whole effect by mentioning his brother at ABC News. Newsweek is partnered with NBC, not ABC.

Elisson at Blog d'Elisson submitted Would You Like Punch With That, Sir?, which features one of the most egregious blog concepts ever-- a meme. In addition, the subject of the post is so unpleasant that it will ruin your appetite for weeks. This would be of tremendous benefit to Michael Moore, but I think Mr. Isikoff would pass on the whole thing.

Elyas at Ablogistan submitted Boy-cott , a discussion of the controversy involving Kraft Foods and the Gay Games. Elyas points out that his article contains a serious factual error; unfortunately, the error is not germaine to the thrust of the article or any of the points he makes. Elyas has committed the cardinal sin of trying to make the beam in Newsweek's eye look smaller than the mote in his own. It's simply not going to work.

Yoshi of Multiple Mentality submitted a link to this forum thread about this article, which is a link to this online comic. Yes, it's extremely lame, but I doubt the people at Newsweek are going to be able to sort out a conversation that takes place across three different web pages.

Interested Participant submitted Tortoise on the Lam, a story about a 50-year-old tortoise that is currently on the run. The author seems to think it's lame, but let's face it: the biggest story of the Nineties was the slow-speed chase of O.J. Simpson. If chasing a murder suspect at 40 mph is big news, then chasing a turtle has to be even bigger news. No comfort there.

William Teach of Pirate's Cove submitted A Strange Thought, in which he blogs about blogging about blogging. To us here in the blogosphere, that seems very lame, and I appreciate William's willingness to hold himself up to ridicule in this way. Nonetheless, we are trying to help journalists, and to them, reporters reporting about reporting is not considered lame, it's considered an example of fairness and objectivity.

Donna B. at Pajama Pundits submitted Can this relationship be saved?, a touching commentary on a love note from BellSouth company. Donna tried to pile on the badness by submitting her article after the deadline. This was her mistake. The fact that blog articles do not have a fixed deadline gives bloggers an advantage over print magazines, who can't delay publication just because they need to check their facts.

So that's it. A thorough sampling of the worst the blogosphere has to offer, and nothing to offer any comfort to the people of Newsweek. I guess they'll have to find solace some other way, like taking up religion.

Finally, Russ Mitchell at Boxing Alcibiades submitted Don't forget Bonfire of the Vanities. This is one of the most transparently self-referential suck-ups I've ever seen. Nice try, Russ, but you've out-smarted yourself. There is no way I'm going to post a link to such a sneaky trick!

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat