The Conservative Cat

• Does he walk into walls? Due to a birth defect, Bruce does not have normal stereovision, and things are often closer than they seem.
• Is he being ordered around by a girl young enough to be his daughter? Bruce has absolutely no social skills and relies on his daughters to tell him what to do when I'm not around.
• When you ask him his name, does he tell you right away or does he stammer for thirty seconds as if he were trying to figure out a brain teaser? Bruce has had many different nicknames over the years-- Drake the Lesser, The Red Sweater, The Other Dave-- and he keeps forgetting which one he's supposed to use.
• Is he wearing a red sweater? Bruce always wears a red cardigan sweater. You don't want to know why.

So, if you see a guy who looks like Bruce, but also looks like he knows what he's doing, he has nothing to do with this web site.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat