The Conservative Cat

Just when you thought it was safe to educate your children, Ebonics is back in the news.

Ebonics-- the colloquial term for African-American vernacular English-- has been recognized as a separate dialect since 1973. In 1996, the term inflicted itself on the popular awareness when the Oakland School Board applied for Federal money to teach Ebonics to faculty members. Now, the San Bernardino Unified City School District has decided to buy books written in Ebonics in order to keep black children more interested in school.

In the case of the Oakland incident, people were upset because of an implication that black children were too dumb to learn real English. The same implication has been drawn in the San Bernardino case as well, even though the two programs are very different.

What people don't understand is that these are pilot programs designed to attract Federal money to school systems. The Oakland School Board was using a creative method to qualify for English as a Second Language money. Here's the key phrase in the original Oakland resolution (emphasis mine).

As in the case of Asian-American, Latino-American, Native American, and all other pupils in this district who come from backgrounds or environments where a language other than English is dominant, African-American pupils shall not, because of their race, be subtly dehumanized, stigmatized, discriminated against, or denied. Asian-American, Latino-American, Native American, and all other language-different children are provided general funds for bilingual education, English as a Second Language (ESL) and state and federal (Title VIII) bilingual education programs to address their limited and non-English-proficient (LEP/NEP) needs. African-American pupils are equally entitled to be tested and, where appropriate, shall be provided general funds and state and federal (Title VIII) bilingual education and ESL programs to specifically address their LEP/NEP needs.

I have been unable to find the original proposal for the San Bernardino school system program, so I can't give you a smoking gun on its real purpose like I can with Oakland; however, the name of the pilot program is Students Accumulating New Knowledge Optimizing Future Accomplishment Initiative. This exact title could be used for anything from cleaning chalkboards to training for the spelling bee. That kind of vagueness is a giant flashing neon sign saying WE WANT MONEY.

So do not worry, people. Your tax dollars will not be used to teach ghetto slang to children. In fact, I feel confident in saying that the money will not be used to educate anyone at all.

I hope this makes you feel better.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat