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July 18, 2005
Laura Ingraham - Small Dog with Possible Terror Leanings Attacks Radio Host
Over the weekend, while visiting a friend in New York, Laura Ingraham was bitten twice on the leg by the friend's pet dog. At this time, we have no idea why the dog attacked her, but I'm sure when we dig deep enough it will turn out that Karl Rove was behind the whole thing.
A dog bite is a problem for a chemotherapy patient, because chemotherapy decreases the white blood cell count, which makes the patient unusually susceptible to infection. This is why when they shave the patient's head they don't go all the way to the scalp: a cut from the barber's razor could lead to a possibly-fatal infection.
Fortunately, Laura was wearing long pants, preventing any direct contact with the dog's saliva, but to be on the safe side she's being given the antibiotic Augmentin, which is a penicillin variant. The side effects of Augmentin include nausea, but she is already being given an anti-nausea drug to combat the chemotherapy.
This sort of incident is exactly why you should never leave the house without a weapon. I always have my claws with me, and it's been a long time since any dogs have tried to bite me. Plus, if it's a big dog I can use the claws to climb the nearest tree. I forgot to mention that: in addition to a weapon, you also need a backup plan.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
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