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August 17, 2005

The Dimwit Zone - Spindle Installation

The Army Corps of Engineers announced today that they will be installing a special rotisserie spindle in the grave of Army Spc. Casey Sheehan, son of war protestor Cindy Sheehan, so that he can spin freely without disrupting the local ecology. "This kind of thing is always a tough decision," a Pentagon spokesman said during today's press briefing, "but it looks like this Camp Casey whatzit down in Crawford is not going to be ending any time soon, so we have to take appropriate measures."

The Army Corps has not performed a spindle installation since 1992, shortly after Bill Clinton began comparing himself to Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States and also author of the Declaration of Independence. Caretakers at Jefferson's Monticello estate, where he was buried shortly after his death in 1826, complained that the late President's high-speed spinning was uprooting huge chunks of flaming dirt and grass, and it was scaring away the tourists.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

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