The Conservative Cat

John Ray at Dissecting Leftism submitted ARE RELIGIOUS PEOPLE BIGOTS?. John debunks a study showing a correlation between religious fundamentalism and racial prejudice. Now, John's article seems pretty cogent at first glance, but that's because you don't see his secret message. I do a lot of debunking articles myself, and by submitting a debunking article he's secretly making fun of ME. Well, I'm a superior life form, John, and I'm not threatened by this sort of cheap stunt!

FMF at Free Money Finance submitted Wonderful Wealth. He gave several examples of wealthy individuals and organizations helping Katrina victims, but took some hard hits from people who feel that it wasn't enough. Next time, check the opposition's daily talking points memo BEFORE you post.

Stacy of Stacy Sez submitted two posts. The first one is pretty rough stuff, and even reading it may be a criminal offense. So, I'm putting in the link here, but I recommend you do NOT click it. Instead, read her proposal for welfare reform. You may be fined for reading it, but at least there's no risk of hard time in Federal prison.

SeanS at Shoot a Liberal submitted An Empty Post. Don't be fooled by the title: Sean posted an actual non-empty article, it's just that he couldn't remember what it was about. Next time, Sean, take a pen and paper into the shower with you so you can write down the idea as soon as it comes to you. (Just don't use a pen with water-soluble ink.)

David Porter at Pacesetter Mortgage Blog submitted How to handle a complaint with a Mortgage Lender or Mortgage Broker. This is another of those cases where I think somebody doesn't fully understand the concept of the Bonfire. The advice in the article seems simple and straightforward. There are some obvious omissions (such as Don't leap on the loan officers head and try to bite his ear off) but it doesn't seem to achieve the kind of true awfulness that we're looking for here. A nice, big run-on sentence or a series of unfunny jokes would have given me something to work with, but this is just a non-starter.

Jack Cluth at The People's Republic of Seabrook submitted And he'll be a hit at his daycare's kegger...., which contains a fairly funny ad for a beer designed to appeal to newborns. It's Bonfire-worthy because not only is it lifted from the FARK forum, but it's fairly old and nobody has commented on it yet.

Suzi Chen at Special Fried Rice submitted I Share My Day. The title may lead you to believe that it's a sort of stream-of-consciousness recital of what's going on in her life, but in fact, it's a list of famous people who share her birthday. One of them is Michael Moore.

Alabama Improper submitted Blog Ads and the 'Sphere. Not only did AI put two topics in one post, but she accidentally ponged Michelle Malkin! That's what you get for not reading my EXTREMELY helpful essay, Pong Prevention and the Mysteries of Movable Type Spam. I am deeply wounded by this unforgivable lapse and it's going to take a lot of bribes to get back into my good graces!

Carol of The Gray Tie (whom I once accused of being eponymous) submitted The Rockettes on Strike, in which she notes that unless the Rockettes get back to work before the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, she is going to throw a hissy fit. I live with a psychotic female cat, so I'm an expert on hissy fits. If you live in Alabama, I suggest buying some Dolphin Foundry armor just in case you're in Carol's path when she loses control.

Beth at MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy submitted This Just Pisses Me Off. (Warning: foul language!) I have a long list of really witty put-downs inspired by the article in question, but it occurs to me that I might want to wait until Beth calms down before I repeat any of them. Also, I'd prefer to be on a different continent. Plus, I'd like some cat-shaped plate mail from the Dolphin Foundry people.

Spirit Fingers of Give me Spirit Fingers, Damnit submitted Like Bai-Ling, which is about the 2008 olympics, actress Bai Ling, mud wrestling, Richard Gere, and three women in playboy bunny suits. That part I can more or less follow, but would someone explain to me what the point is behind the picture of the giant kite?

The Sinner of Seven Deadly Sins submitted Pride 20,000, which is a reflexive horn-tooting post about how nice it is that his 20,000th hit came from a search for "7 deadly sins party ideas", instead of a phrase describing an unusual costume representing a male body part.

Digger of Digger's Realm submitted I Was Rejected By Chitika eMiniMalls (Update 2, Email Sent, Email Bounced). Digger spends a lot of time proving that he has no idea why Chitika turned down his offer to let them advertise on his blog. I have no idea either.

RICK MORAN at Rightwing Nuthouse presents MORE SHAMELESS PURLOINING OF BLOG POST IDEAS. Rick starts out well, with a heart-rending essay about the times when writing really sucks. Then he presents more or less positive reviews of five of the largest conservative blogs, If you've never heard of Michelle Malkin or Instapundit, Rick's blog may be just what you need to convince you to go take a look.

Peace Moonbeam at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles submitted Disaster Relief With Peace Moonbeam. No sane person can accurately describe Peace Moonbeam's articles, but I'm sure her plan for making poor storm victim Viola feel more useful will strike a sympathetic chord with rich liberals everywhere.

Peakah at Peakah's Provocations... submitted Who's Provoking Who?, a detailed fisking of an angry EMAIL about one of his earlier articles. To give you an idea of how clueless Peakah is, here is a quote from his attacker.

I have never read anyting that has made me want to vomit until now. The joy you take in being ignorant and clinging to your white boy privledge is sickening.

And here is a quote from the original article that Peakah uses in his defense.

If you would like a culturally/societal based answer you will have to focus your question and provide an historical context for me to formulate an intelligent response, otherwise the question is much too obscure.

Anyway, you get the idea.

The MaryHunter at TMH's Bacon Bits submitted Best Spam Subject Line Ever. I have to admit that it's one I've never seen.

The Blogger: Laurence Simon. The Blog: This Blog is Full of Crap. The post: Random Fluids Generator. Use your imagination. Better yet: try not to think about it.

And speaking of fluids, Josh Cohen at Multiple Mentality has a warning for those of you who like Romulan ale: Blue Pee.

Brian J. Noggle submitted Safety Warning, which points out a risk inherent in a certain Karaoke song. This is in addition to any of your friends finding out you do Karaoke.

Mind of Mog has a story about Palestine, Terrorism, Iran, and Bingo. In a desire to discuss something a little more light-hearted than the Paris Riots, the Supreme Court, and the Plamegate mess, Mog chose to discuss Iran's Money-for-Suicide-Bombers program. I don't want to know what he talks about when he wants to be serious.

Aaron of Aaron's Rantblog is running the Deck O' Bloggers 2005 Contest. Aaron seems to think that by submitting this article about the contest to the Bonfire he can trick me into giving him some free advertising. Here's a clue, Aaron: never try to mess with a superior lifeform. If you think I'm putting this link into the Bonfire post, you are very, very mistaken.

Bachman at Public Eye presents Takei gay, Sulu straight, Trekkers confused. Bruce actually laughed out loud when he read the article, so to get the most out of it, I recommend you go for 20 hours without sleep before you click on the link.

That's all for the 123rd Bonfire. To get into next week's Bonfire, use the handy Carnival Submit Form.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat