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January 26, 2006

Adventures with Bruce - Is Ted Kennedy an Illegal Biological Weapons Lab?

by Ferdinand T Cat

Bruce's job involves using computers to decode DNA sequences, and this afternoon he was invited to listen to a presentation on environmental DNA samples. These are slices of biological material which are processed into DNA sequences without being separated into individual species. The samples used in the presentation included fluids from humans, drops of seawater, and slime scraped from the floor of an abandoned mine.

One of the most interesting parts of the presentation was a discussion of the Rule of 10. For each complex cell in an environment, there are 10 bacteria hanging out with it, and for each of those there are 10 viruses called phages that spend their time re-arranging bacterial DNA, a process called horizontal gene transfer.

This is a huge problem! Consider, for example, the Senior Senator from Massachussets. The Rule of 10 tells us that right now there are over 6 quadrillion life forms in his body producing new species of bacteria by combining DNA from other bacteria. In other words, they are practicing unregulated recombinant DNA experiments.

I've had Bruce research this topic.

  • Senator Kennedy's body has not filed a procedural compliance report with the Department of Health and Human Services.
  • Senator Kennedy's body has not been examined by the Insitutional Biosafety Committee.
  • Senator Kennedy's body does not have an IBC approval certificate.
  • Fluids from Senator Kennedy's body have been deposited in countless live human subjects without in vivo testing approval.

Even now, exotic new bacterial species created by Senator Kennedy's phages could be mutating into lethal pathogens like the ones they have in movies like Outbreak and The Stand. The potential loss of life is only the tip of the iceberg. In The Stand, the surviving population was so small there was no one left who knew how to make mozzarella cheese!

The man has to be stopped.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

Trackposted to Streptococcus Liberal Common Sense, Campylobacter TMH Bacon Bits, Mycoplasma CustomerServant.com, Vibrio Quietly Making Noise, and Listeria Basil's Blog.

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