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May 31, 2006
Laura Ingraham - Andy Rooney on the Purpose of War
Today during the second hour of the Laura Ingraham show, Laura talked about Andy Rooney's Memorial Day tribute on 60 Minutes. This was actually a repeat of a 2005 speech that was a retread of an article he wrote in 2004.
Rooney makes one particularly egregious statement.
The goal of war is to cause death to other people.
This is like saying the goal of baking a cake is to mix flour, milk, and eggs. A goal is an end, not a means. There is only one goal of war, and that is to establish ownership of land. It is unfortunate that violent force is how land ownership is determined in this world, but to pretend that there's something mysterious or inexplicable about it is as realistic as expecting people to stop stealing if you got rid of the police.
If requiring people to learn how to play bagpipes prevented them from flying planes into buildings or blowing up shopping malls, then Rooney would be justified in calling war an idiotic way to solve problems, because playing bagpipes is a lot less expensive than shooting people. But in actual fact, the only backup plan anybody has proposed is to move all the Jews to Europe.
Personally, I think that the citizens of the state of Israel are not going to go along with that unless you have a lot of soldiers with machine guns enforcing the point.
The thing is, there is a word that describes the use of an army to enforce the ownership of land: it's called war.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 11:02 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: 60 Minutes Andy Rooney anti-semitism conservative Israel Laura Ingraham War and Peace
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Freedom Watch: OTA Trackback Here Today!
Political Satire Fake News - The Nose On Your Face: Sunday Fun
Funny Stuff - The Translation Frame
This is another comic by Barb Gigamaster. Barb claims it is an example of a new art form called a school scribble, which absolutely has to be done on blue-lined school note paper. Of course, lacking color vision, the lines simply drive me crazy and make the thing hard to read, but I've learned you can't argue with artists. The characters all look vaguely cat-like, which I'm told makes them nekos. Nekos are a whole different thing from the characters her sister Maggie draws, which are called chibis, or Barb's Elijah and Mike comic, which is a manga.
It's the Information Age, people, and you need a college degree just to be able to understand the scribbles.
Anyway, click on the comic to see it full-size. I have to go help Bruce, who is still traumatized from the glare Barb gave him when he suggested erasing the little blue lines.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 5:59 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Funny Stuff | Tags: Barb humor web comics
Freedom Watch: OTA Trackback Here Today!
EMAIL Hell - Look for a Zero Percent Increase in the Price of Hollywood Intermediate
The problem with modern spam is that the spammers make money even if no one pays any attention to the ads. For example, consider this spam service, in which the guy charges a fee to blast your ad all over the Internet. Even if the ad is mind-boggingly stupid, he gets to keep his fee. And by the way, he doesn't use EMAIL to advertise his particular service: he uses blog comment spam.
I mention this particular aspect of spamming, because for the past several weeks we've been getting tons of spam EMAILs touting a penny stock for Hollywood Intermediate. Hollywood Intermediate does digital special effects for movies. For weeks the stock price has been hovering around $1.30 a share while the Internet backbone hums with multilingual EMAILs announcing that the price is about to go through the roof.
So, here, direct from Yahoo, is a live graph of Hollywood Intermediate's stock price. Yesterday it closed up 2% from its price over the holiday weekend, which is just a bit smaller than the 30% promised in the spam EMAIL.
Years from now you'll be able to come back to this page, and chances are the price will still be crawling up and down the narrow band surrounding $1.30 a share.
And I would not be at all surprised if I were still getting spam EMAILs telling me to buy it now before the price goes up, up, up.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 5:35 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More EMAIL Hell | Tags: Hollywood Intermediate hot stock picks spam
Conservative Cat: Hollywood Intermediate Is Still a Bad Buy
Conservative Cat: The Hollywood Intermediate Plot Thickens
May 30, 2006
Laura Ingraham - John Murtha's Tribe Problem
The first-hour topic for today's Laura Ingraham show was Representative John Murtha's commentary on the alleged massacre in Haditha. Murtha argued that the scandal could reach all they way to Joint Chiefs Chairman Major General Peter Pace.
I've been listening to Laura Ingraham for a long time, and I have never heard her so angry. Part of that anger is due to Murtha's exaggeration in the advance of the facts. As Laura's guest Gen. Thomas McInerny pointed out:
We had a case a year ago, where a Marine Colonel sat in a courtroom at Camp Lejeune, charged with two counts of premeditated murder. The prosecution made him out to be an evil demon, and then when the autopsy evidence blew their case out of the water the Marine Corps dropped all the charges. Nobody said anything.
That's a good point, but there's more to the story. Laura Ingraham went to Iraq and spent time among the soldiers there. They're not statistics to her: they're human beings.
Humans are tribal creatures, and when you actually spend time with the members of another tribe it's hard to think of them as monsters. To Laura, the real Marines are the guys she hung out with on the battlefields, and the murderers among them are the exception, not the rule.
Murtha has a completely different problem. Last November he left the Marine tribe and joined the Anti-War tribe. This made him an instant celebrity, but it put him in a position where he has to trash his old tribe in order to keep up his street credit with the new one. As a result, when the Marines make a mistake, he pounces on it as proof of widespread rot. That upsets Laura because it's also standard operating procedure for the Islamic Terrorist tribe, and the goal of Islamic Terrorists is to kill Marines.
If Murtha were a solitary hunter like me, instead of a member of the Anti-War tribe, then his first reaction to this problem would be: is there anything we can do to fix it? Murtha is upset about an alleged coverup, so the constructive approach would be to work on procedures for preventing future coverups. Instead, Murtha wants us to abandon the whole project. The Abandon the Project approach was tried in Afghanistan back in the Eighties, and we ended up with the Taliban in charge. That's not a track record I'd be proud of.
So here's my suggestion: let's talk to the leaders of the Anti-War tribe and ask them to allow John Murtha to think of Marines as human beings again. Then he can start looking for solutions instead of starting a panic every time something bad happens. It will lower the level of animosity all around, and it will increase the odds we can find real answers to our real problems.
Call me crazy, but I think that's worth a lot more than street credit.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Tue 5:49 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (3) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: conservative Haditha Jon Murtha journalism Laura Ingraham liberals
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A Blog For All: Ongoing Investigations Into Haditha Incident
Planck's Constant: Murtha's Audience reduced by FBI
May 29, 2006
Catblogging - The End of a Long Day with Parades and Stuff
The amazing thing here is not that the Gremlin can fall asleep in this position: it's that she'd want to in the first place.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Mon 10:15 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Catblogging
Freedom Watch: Tuesday Trackback Fun!
May 28, 2006
Catblogging - Carpet Protocol as a Logical Rebuttal to Liberalism
Peg-Eye Nate is home from school, and as you can see from the picture, the carpet in the family room is no longer covered in papers, old socks, and DVD boxes. This means the carpet is now free for other uses, and therein lies a tale about an important difference between conservatism and liberalism.
The carpet in this picture is very old, and so flat that the nap is almost nonexistent. It makes sense, therefore, that if I sharpen my claws on it, I'm not doing any real harm. I mean, who is going to notice? In fact, when nobody sees me sharpening my claws, it's not a problem. But if I do it in the presence of Bruce's wife, she subjects me to a very loud and violent show of disapproval.
I am, of course, a superior life form, so I've learned to wait until she's asleep before doing any sharpening. Still, the point is that you can't conclude something is true just because it makes sense.
In Dr. Thomas Sowell's book A Conflict of Visions, the above statement is the defining characteristic of the constrained vision, to which modern conservatism belongs. A conservative is automatically skeptical of the new and untried, regardless of whether it makes sense, common or otherwise. It makes sense that economic planning is superior to letting the market take its course, but in fact it's been a dismal failure whenever it's tried. It is this skepticism that gives us our reputation as stick-in-the-muds.
Interestingly enough, although the mainstream media template is of liberal scientists fighting against evil Republicans, the truth is that science is itself a conservative discipline, because a hypothesis does not become a theory until it is confirmed by experiment. The scientific method is a conservative approach to learning.
So the next time some liberal hits you with a public policy that seems to make sense, remember that the burden of proof is on him, not you. Just because something makes sense doesn't mean it applies to the big picture. Even something as simple as the proper uses of a carpet has its complexities, and I have the bruises to prove it.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sun 11:10 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Catblogging
The Human Element - A Preemptive Apology
That dreaded time of year is coming up again. Election season, Yech! The upcoming Legislative branch elections have most people with access to a microphone predicting a massive Democratic win, and knowing how the Democrats feel about the War in Iraq, and the opinions concerning what it takes to fight terrorism, I feel it is neccessary to say the following.
Should the Democrats win in the upcoming elections, we would like to apologize to the victims of the following terror attacks. We did all we could to prevent this. The good news: they're not likely to win again any time in the near future.
# At Sun 3:52 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More The Human Element
Notes from Ferdy - Nobody in the News
Every human parent will tell you that there is a spectral presence in their home named Nobody. When some minor catastrophe occurs, it is not uncommon for the children involved to claim that it's Nobody's fault.
After a long career as a juvenile delinquent, Nobody has apparently taken up residence in the nation's capitol.
Republicans are in trouble, and it's because Nobody is taking a leadership role in promoting conservative principles. Worse, Nobody is making the case that we are making solid progress in Iraq.
The Republican party cannot prevail while Nobody is acting as a champion for true conservative principles. Out here in the hinterlands we have Laura Ingraham, Rush Limbaugh, and a whole pack of political commentators beating the conservative drums. It's wonderful, and it's powerful, and it's very Twenty-First Century, but the bottom line is that Nobody is keeping the Senate Republicans in line.
Now we hear that on Friday, Nobody went on a shooting rampage in the Rayburn building. Obviously, the strain of being the conservative standard-bearer has driven Nobody right over the edge into madness. There's only one solution: we need new leadership. As we ramp up to 2008, make this your priority. When you're voting in the 2008 primaries, look for a charismatic candidate with solid conservative principles. When Congress convenes in January of 2009, I'm going to ask you who is in charge of the Conservative Revolution. And you know what I don't want to hear? Nobody!
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sun 11:50 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More Notes from Ferdy
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123beta: Open Trackback Weekend #7
May 26, 2006
EMAIL Hell - An Open Letter to a Spammer
Today I got the following EMAIL.
This is our final attempt of contacting you..
We have tried getting in touch with you on various occasions. We spent a great deal of time & energy setting up your initial home plan. We are getting you a much better deal now than before. We need to hear from you if you wish to take advantage of this.
Please respond back so we can implement a better cost structure that will save you thousands.
To which I reply
YES! PLEASE! Go ahead and stop sending me stuff. In fact, tell all your friends to stop sending me stuff, too!!
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Fri 2:47 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More EMAIL Hell
Jo's Cafe: Weekend Specials 05/27-05/28
May 25, 2006
Catblogging - Window Shopping
Most people are willing to take steps to reduce energy costs, but sometimes doing so has unpleasant side effects. In this picture you can see a good example. Bruce keeps the southern curtains closed during the day to keep the house cooler and save on the air conditioning bills. The problem is, when I'm sitting at the window watching for potential meals, the lighting is poor and you can't see the details of the striping on my back. Worse, the neighbors can only see my face and so they're cheated out of enjoying my full beauty.
I do understand that everything's a tradeoff and you have to take the bad with the good. There are, however, limits, and as soon as the price of oil drops $2 a barrel I want the curtains open and the whole window available for preening.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 6:30 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More Catblogging
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Modulator: Friday Ark #88
Blue Star Chronicles: Communities at Truth Laid Bear
Woman Honor Thyself: PayinG off Terrorists
Blue Star Chronicles: Save Mt. Soledad Cross
Confused Americans for Truth - We Need More Stories Like This One
Everyone who uses computers-- which in this country means almost everyone-- wastes countless hours dealing with security. We accept delayed program loading so that we can scan for viruses. We accept complicated encryption schemes for communicating from machine to machine. We enter passwords wherever we go. In spite of this, web sites continue to go offline or crash because of deliberate attacks.
This news story is something I would like to see more often. I want to see hackers getting arrested and spending long years in jail. I want to see these jail terms publicly announced over and over again. Every hacker should be seen as a disgusting little felon instead of a romantic warrior against The System.
Thank you for listening to this important message. We will resume our usual light-hearted fare as soon as Bruce finishes trying to get the new web development software at work to operate properly within the guidelines of the lab's security system.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 6:04 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Confused Americans for Truth
Right Wing Nut House: A FEW MORE TIDBITS FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE
Web Site News - In Which We Begin a Protest Against a Popular Business Blog
Many of you have probably noticed that when I do linkfesting, I change the names of the blogs to break up the monotony. I do it because it's fun, and because I want this blog to be entertaining as well as informative.
When it comes to name-mangling, there is no blog title better suited than The Business of America is Business (TBoAiB). Imagine, if you will, The Business of America is Spending, The Business of America is Boycotts, or The Business of America is Hillary Clinton. Pretty funny stuff if you ask me.
The tragedy is that TBoAiB is listed on both open trackback lists, but I have NEVER ONCE seen them run a linkfest.
This lack is hampering my ability to have a good time and when it comes to my own interests, I do not compromise, ever. Therefore, I am going to protest TBoAiB's lack of a linkfest by tracking back to them every time I do a linkfested posting. My hope is that this will convince them that they need to fulfill their obligation to the linkfest community so that I can make fun of their name like I make fun of everybody else's.
Even a superior life form can only be pushed so far.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 2:46 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Web Site News
Confused Americans for Truth - Enron Scandal Story Nets the Big Fish
On November 8, 2001, while the country was still reeling from the September 11 attacks, former Clinton Administration official Robert Rubin made a call to Peter Fischer, a high-ranking member of the Treasury Department. Rubin wanted Fischer to intercede with the SEC to prevent Enron's bond rating from being downgraded. Fischer refused. It was not the first or the last time Enron or one of its investors would call in a favor from the Bush Administration, but for whatever reason, Enron's pleas fell on deaf ears. In less than a month, the entire house of cards would collapse.
Those of us who lived through the Enron collapse remember that the big story was Enron CEO Ken Lay's friendship with George W. Bush. The details of the collapse and the role of that friendship are largely forgotten, but the truth is that bribing the Bush Administration was a very bad investment.
Ken Lay was convicted on six counts of fraud and conspiracy. It's entirely possible that Lay really believed his own PR, and thought if he could keep juggling the books and spending like crazy, he could pull out of debt. This is not an uncommon belief system, and in fact is the basis for the State of Illinois's new budget. It is likely, however, that in the coming weeks Democrats will use Lay's conviction to peddle their Culture of Corruption theme. I think that would be a huge mistake.
Democrats have had a hard time raising money ever since Howard Dean took over. The real Enron story, however, the one in which the Bush Administration failed to deliver services for fees rendered, gives the Democrats a whole new tool for attracting corporate money. I already have a slogan for them.
The Democratic National Committeee
WE STAY BOUGHT
Let's face it: a political party that believes in less government is hardly going to be in a position to hand out special favors. If you need your bond rating to reach for the stars while your balance sheet sinks through the floor, you need a Democrat. So before you shell out the big bucks for a small favor, remember what the Bush Administration did to Enron and consider investing in a Democrat instead. Remember, when you buy a Democrat, we stay bought!
I can't see a downside here.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 2:26 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More Confused Americans for Truth
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May 24, 2006
EMAIL Hell - Federal Scam Gives Spammers No Credit
A new phishing EMAIL is making the rounds. This one claims to be from the National Credit Union Administration. The message (which looks very professional, with links to the real NCUA site and everything) starts out thusly.
This notice informs you that your Credit Union bank has joined our Federal Credit Union(FCU) network. For both, our and your security, we are asking you to activate an online account on our database. After activation you can login on our system with your Card Number and your Credit/Debit PIN number.
After a few more paragraphs of verbiage, you're given a link to an identity theft site.
The punch line is that after all the work the spammers did to create the message and format it to look nice, they forgot to change the FROM address, so the return address for this message about your membership in a credit union is service@paypal.com.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 11:47 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More EMAIL Hell
Freedom Watch: OTA Trackback Post
Planck's Constant: Iran Newspaper Increases Reward to 25 grand for Ho
May 23, 2006
Notes from Ferdy - Strange Visitor from Another Web Browser
Today I received a sort of Funny Stuff submission from a guy who calls himself Hoboclown. It was in the form of an EMAIL, because the submitter claimed to have problems figuring out the Carnival Submit Form. Bruce followed the link in the EMAIL, and was taken to Hoboclown's blog, which appears to be part of a large site dedicated to film lovers. Now, you may be wondering If there's a large site dedicated to film lovers, how come Bruce the Fillm Nut doesn't know about it? The answer is actually very simple: it only works for Internet Explorer. So, here's the link if you're one of the 54% of Conservative Cat visitors who will be able to see it: http://audience.withoutabox.com/users/hoboclown.
For the rest of you, basically it's a humorous series about a clueless detective who tries to solve mysteries such as who invented the sun and things like that.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Tue 8:08 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Notes from Ferdy
Freedom Watch: Would you tolerate your neighbor’s garbage – in YO
May 20, 2006
Funny Stuff - Backlog
A lot of people have been submitting Funny Stuff links while Bruce is testing his new database system. I thought it might be a good idea to list them before they get too stale.
- Random Yak: On Hugging Cats
- Snarky Gossip: ER - Season Finale Goes Bang Bang Blah
- United By Yucca: Albinos make the best villains
- Centrerion Canadian Politics: Karl Marx, Carrolyn Parrish: Quip of the Day
- The Idiom: You Da Man!
- Snarky Gossip: Paul and Heather - Bye, Bye Love
- LeliaThomas.Com: Hump Day Funnies: Dance, dance!
- Vox Poplar: Let's Get Normal
- Vox Poplar: Can Blogs Be Censored?
- The MoxArgon Group: Point/Counterpoint-Anti-Semitism
- Jon Swift: President Bush's My Pet Goat Margin Notes
- Brad Montgomery's Blog: Quit Buying Stuff
- News Bender: PETA Bar & Grill Owner Considers Name Change
- AbbaGav: The Newlywed Game -- Arabian Nights
- Stingray: a blog for salty Christians: Baby Chicks Die After Being Dropped From School Balcony
- Snarky Gossip: Brooke Shields to Tom Cruise - “I’m Okay, Bite Meâ€
- Snarky Gossip: Make Your Baby Stupid Even Earlier With BabyFirstTv
- either orr: Dirty Laundry 2006
# At Sat 4:59 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Funny Stuff
Planck's Constant: Islamic Hierarchy: Men are from Mars - period.
Planck's Constant: Ray Nagin and the Bush FEMA Snow Job
Freedom Watch: What's Up?
EMAIL Hell - Footprints of a Supreme Spammer
Everyone who owns their own domain has probably been inundated with bounced EMAILs from bogus addresses. This is of course a typical spammer trick to avoid being discovered. By disguising the origin point, they make sure that the wrath of the user community falls on the poor stupid fool who purchased the spam service while the spammer himself pockets the money and melts into the night.
So, we're getting tons of EMAIL errors regarding mail sent by such stalwarts as qwdhtf@conservativecat.com or huhnknkjph@mkrules.net. One particular error message, however, gave us a bit of a chuckle:
Thank you for contacting the Supreme Court of Canada. Your e-mail has been received and someone will be attending to it.
Alas, I doubt the Canadian Supreme Court has enough time to worry about impotence drugs and hot stock tips. Now if only I had the original message, I could forward it to the SEC. I'm sure they'd know what to do with it.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sat 4:34 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More EMAIL Hell
basil's blog: Picnic 2006-05-24
Confused Americans for Truth - The Palestinian Meltdown
Although we are operating at reduced capacity while Bruce does the carnival revamp (which had better be damned spectacular considering how long it's taking), I thought I'd do a roundup of Mensa Barbie's series on the Palestinian meltdown. While America debates immigration, the mask is dropping from the people who own the Gaza Strip.
- Ascending on Gaza: Terror Cells Unite
- FPU Demands Dissolve of Hamas
- Stopping Islamic Totalitarianism
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sat 1:50 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Confused Americans for Truth
EMAIL Hell - The Amazon Fool's Gold Box
Today we got type of Amazon-based phishing EMAIL we haven't seen before. It starts like this:
Congratulations! You have received this notice because the records of Amazon.com indicate you are rewarded from our special feature rewards Amazon.com program for our customers with special, Gold Box coupons that offer added savings over Amazon's everyday low prices.
The EMAIL tells you that you've won some incredible discount (over $100) that will be deposited into your bank account. The link, however, doesn't go to Amazon.com but to some page belonging to an identity theft gang.
The fakery is pretty clever: it really looks like the Amazon sign-in page. It also checks to insure you've specified the correct EMAIL address, so if you try to enter you_are_stupid_scum@hotmal.com it gives you an error message. Personally, I think that's damned unfair and takes a lot of the fun out of the process.
In the meantime, be careful with EMAIL It is rapidly becoming usless as a marketing tool because so much of it is fraudulent. It's to the point that if Bruce's wife sends him an EMAIL asking him to buy a gallon of milk on the way home, he checks the headers to make sure it isn't really a Nigerian scam.
It's a very dangerous world out there.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sat 1:40 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More EMAIL Hell
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May 19, 2006
Laura Ingraham - The Cindy Smallwood Affair and What It Means to People Who Read This Blog
Yesterday, Laura Ingraham discussed an article in the Los Angeles Times about a landscaping company unable to fill a job paying $34 an hour. The Times used this problem as proof that we need illegal immigration. Laura had other opinions.
Today Laura actually talked to Cindy Smallwood, the owner of the landscaping company who is suffering from underemployment. In actual fact, it's not a landscaping company but a construction firm. The word "landscaping" occurs in the title. Smallwood does public works projects, so the wages she pays are set by California law. The article says she'd like to add eight employees, but at the current time only three positions are open. Two are for $34.24 per hour, and they require prior experience (2 to 5 years) in the landscape construction industry. The unskilled job-- which involves actual landscaping-- is for $14 an hour.
In other words, for about the umpteen millionth time, a newspaper got the story wrong.
This distresses me greatly, because I get a lot of my information from newspaper web sites. So, I'm asking for a favor. If I cite a newspaper or any other major media web site, remember that the facts in question may be distorted beyond recognition. For my part, I'll try to remember only to believe things I read in right-wing blogs.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Fri 3:38 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Laura Ingraham
Confused Americans for Truth - A Terrible Problem that Affects Spanish-Speaking Teenage Girls
Yesterday the Senate debated an amendment declaring that English was the national language of the United States. While speaking against the amendment, Minority Leader Harry Reid told the following story about one of his employees (excerpted from the Congressional Record).
[Frederico] also told me that he became ill--very sick. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He speaks Spanish, and I don't think I would embarrass Frederico in saying that even today--he is well educated, a longtime citizen--he still speaks with an accent, a Hispanic accent, for want of a better description. He speaks good English with a slight accent. He was so sick. He didn't know what was wrong with him, and he was afraid, when he went to the hospital, the emergency room, he was afraid that he couldn't communicate to the health care workers what was wrong with him, and he asked: Is there anybody here who speaks Spanish? And there was--one of the nurses--and he was able to communicate. He felt better and the emergency room personnel felt better because he could explain to them what was wrong.
I don't always agree with Senator Reid, but he makes an important point: even people who have learned to speak English might not be able to accurately describe medical problems unless they find a native speaker of their own language. Even now, Polish immigrants all over the city of Chicago could be risking death by going into hospitals where there's no Polish-speaking nurse in the emergency room. In fact, now that I think about it, this city is a major-league melting pot. The only way to be absolutely safe is to have a full staff of United Nations interpreters permanently on call at every major Chicago hospital.
Unfortunately, there's one problem that even the presence of a trained interpreter can't handle, because it's the greatest, most important medical emergency of all-- abortion.
You may recall that last November the Supreme Court heard arguments about a New Hampshire law requiring parental notification for a minor child seeking an abortion. At the time, attorneys for Planned Parenthood argued that if a young girl were suffering from high blood pressure, even the slightest delay before killing the fetus could result in a serious health risk.
Clearly, if talking to the parents is a health risk, then trying to find an interpreter is even worse. Most children know how to find their parents, but very few can give you the phone number of a qualified interpreter. Fortunately, I have a solution: before a girl can graduate from the sixth grade, she should be required to learn the English phrase I need an abortion right now and you can't tell my parents.
I know, I know. A lot of people don't like the idea of requiring prospective graduates to pass a test. I think, however, that in this case even Senator Reid would make an exception. We are, after all, making abortion easier.
So there's no time to lose: get the message to your Senators right now. Even though it's going to take time away from the debate on immigration, we're talking about the health of pregnant teenage girls, and that's one thing where you can't even afford to waste a single second.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Fri 1:47 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (5) | More Confused Americans for Truth
Visit the commenters: John Hollis Brown maggie katzen Karl Angel
The Bullwinkle Blog: Sunday Funnies
May 18, 2006
Notes from Ferdy - A Problem With Video Mail
Bruce received via EMAIL today a very embarassing video of me getting my teeth brushed. I want everybody to know that I am sincere in my beliefs and totally committed to the mission of this blog. I am not under any circumstances going to submit to blackmail.
It would really help, however, if someone could tell me how to go about getting $2,000 in small, unmarked bills.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 11:28 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More Notes from Ferdy
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May 17, 2006
Notes from Ferdy - Beauty Unmatched
Precise Plus Pet Products is holding a contest to find the most beautiful cat.
Now I know what most of you are thinking: this contest will finally enable us to figure out whether the most beautiful cat in the world is me or GigoloKitty. Now of course I would welcome any such contest and I have no doubt in my mind who the winner would be. The thing is, I think if I entered this contest it would be totally unfair to all the other cats in the world, many of whom are deeply admired by their pet humans and deserve a chance in the spotlight.
In other words, I've decided not to enter.
Besides, there's something fishy about these Precise Plus people. They claim their pet food is very healthy, but Bruce refuses to even look at the stuff, much less make a meal of it. Go figure.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Wed 11:43 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (4) | More Notes from Ferdy
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basil's blog: Picnic 2006-05-18
Freedom Watch: Open Alliance Trackback Fest
Freedom Watch: Mo Moonbats
Planck's Constant: Sopranos Episode 76 Cold Stones
May 15, 2006
Catblogging - It Was a Very Trying Ten Minutes
Okay, so this is not a very dignified position, but I'm really tired. I just had my teeth brushed, which is always a very strenuous experience.
I don't care how evolved you are: if someone pries open your mouth and sticks a bizarre device in it, you're going to be upset on a very basic level. I do understand, however, that it is for my own good, and I am working on controlling my panic impulse. That's why it only took two people to hold me down this time instead of the regular three.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Mon 10:00 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Catblogging
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Freedom Watch: It's That Time Of The Week Again
Freedom Watch: Open Alliance Trackback Fest
The Dimwit Zone - The "M" Word
Bill: Welcome back. For those of you who are just joining us, the story of the week is the first word to make it onto the Forbidden Terms list. The Forbidden Terms List is the brainchild of Senator Dick Durbin (D, IL) , who came up with the idea as a response to the Danish cartoon controversy. Senator Durbin released this statement on Monday after the bill had been passed into law.
Dick: In the days following the riots it became clear to people like me in the senate that if a drawing of something is bad, then to have the word itself muttered by an unbelieving heathen is unacceptable as well. To stop this problem we in Congress have just passed a law that will make certain words illegal to use in the English language, and the first word to be on that list will be the name of the Muslim prophet. I feel I am not alone when I say that the way the world thinks about us is much more important than free speech.
Bill: The law has been around a relatively short time, and already people are taking it to heart. A small town along the east coast in particular has made newsworthy progress. Reporting from the center of the story is rookie reporter Frank O'Herlihey. Frank are you there?
Frank: Thanks, Bill. As you can tell from the mob behind me, the enforcement of the law known as "The 'M' Word Clause" has picked up speed at an inspiring rate. The mob formed this morniing when local bowler and part time owner of a waffle and donut diner, Jack Shmoe, seemed to utter the "M Word" to a friend in Calafornia via a cell phone.
Bill: Are they certain it was the "M Word?"
Frank:Witnesses claim he said "I need 'the M Word' eggs," but he claims to have said "more ham and eggs." The crowd could not take the risk of inciting the local Muslim population into rioting. So to prevent more violence, they have Schmoe tied to a stake and are pelting him with small- to moderate-sized rocks. In addition, he has been smeared with honey and beset upon by killer bees while being burned. He probably regrets ever opening his mouth for more home mad- [Cut off as a section of the mob tackles him shouting "HE SAID THE M WORD" and procede to tear him limb from limb.]
Bill: Thanks for the report Frank. That's the news for today, and in closing, we are currently hiring interns for reporting jobs, details on line. Up next on this channel, "The Adventures of Jesus of Nazareth, Gay Prostitute."
# At Mon 9:58 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More The Dimwit Zone
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May 14, 2006
Web Site News - Just So You'll Know
In his spare time, Bruce is currently revamping the carnival system to try to make it more useful. Barring a nervous breakdown, we should be back to normal in a few days.
Naturally, this affects me just as much as it affects him. Bruce has a unique working style which involves careful data structure planning, documentation, and frequent screaming fits in which the phrase "What could I have been thinking?" appears frequently. Also, when things are going well he starts to sing. This is why when he was working downtown he was the only programmer in his group with a private office.
Anyway, I'll be in my soundproofed hideout in the basement until further notice.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sun 8:24 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More Web Site News
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May 13, 2006
Confused Americans for Truth - Looking at the Latest NSA Flap from the Perspective of a Spam Hater
Our good friend Bruno Behrend of Extreme Wisdom writes about a poll showing most people are more worried about terrorists than NSA access to phone records. This is a good thing, but we still have a big problem: the Democrats and the mainstream press keep blowing the lid off our prosecution of the War on Terror. This is serious, because secrecy is an important weapon when you're fighting bad guys
Most bloggers wage a constant battle against trackback spam. Here at Conservative Cat, we've gone off the air twice because trackback spammers flooded the server. Most blogs have anti-spam software designed to deal with the problem, but the spammers are constantly working to find ways around the software. Therefore, our most potent weapon is secrecy: we can stop the spam only until they figure out how we're doing it.
It is for this reason that I am concerned about the fact that people keep trying to publicize exactly how the Bush Administration is going about keeping tabs on terrorists.
There is, of course, a solution: the Bush Administration should agree to publicize all its covert anti-terror activities in exchange for a signed statement from the Democratic leadership-- Nancy Pelosi, Pat Leahy, and Arlen Specter-- that Congress won't hold it against the President should al-Qaeda make a successful strike on U.S. soil.
The Democrats see the privacy issue as an absolute; I see it as a trade-off. It seems to me that in the spirit of moderation and bi-partisanship they should have no objection to meeting me half-way.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sat 1:00 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (4) | More Confused Americans for Truth
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Planck's Constant: Sexual harassment affects most college students -
May 11, 2006
Adventures with Bruce - Another Type of Profiling
Bruce works at a government lab, and one of the hazards is that as you go through the gate your car may be searched. The guards pick people more or less at random, and when Bruce is chosen he is always sure to thank the guards, because they are doing this for his protection.
A few days ago he was returning from lunch with his car windows open, and heard the following:
"Should we search this one?"
"Nah. He's listening to Rush Limbaugh."
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Thu 11:40 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Adventures with Bruce
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Planck's Constant: No nude for L'Oreal - Scarlett Johansson
Blue Star Chronicles: Mama and Me
Blue Star Chronicles: United 93 at the Cotillion
May 9, 2006
Funny Stuff - Tuesday
- Basil's Blog: Headline News
- Nose on Your Face: David Blaine's "Chappaquiddick Dream" Falls Short
- Widgerson Library & Pub: Holding Your Gun Will Put Hair on Your Chest
- Scrappleface: Speaker Pelosi Unveils Unifying Democratic Vision
- Vox Poplar: You Dissin' My God!
- Snarky Gossip: Separated at Birth - Jessica Simpson and Orange BoohBah
- The MoxArgon Group: So, you need someone sneaky, eh?
Semi-Open Trackbacks: If you have something funny to share, link to this post and send a trackback, or submit it here and it will be considered for inclusion in the next roundup.
# At Tue 11:59 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Funny Stuff
Stop The ACLU: Sunday Funnies
Laura Ingraham - Bad Times at California High
On today's Laura Ingraham show she railed against a California judge who struck down a high school graduation test. The ruling is preliminary, and we will not know the final decision until Friday, but Laura felt the fact a judge is ruling on a state-wide high school graduation requirement is more evidence of an out-of-control judiciary. As it happens, 44% of the students unable to pass the exam are not fluent in English, so the discussion veered off into the general topic of the resources sucked up by the need to teach English as a second language.
The judge's ruling is based on the theory that a state-wide exam violates the Equal Protection Clause, because of the existence of substandard schools in some communities. The test has three parts-- English, Math, and Algebra-- and requires 10th-grade skills in each subject. Laura talked about the story of Liliana Valenzuela, who is the primary plaintiff in the suit. Liliana is ranked 12th in her class, but cannot pass the English portion of the exit exam because she speaks primarily Spanish.
Now, regardless of equal protection and rogue judges, the truth is that Liliana would have a much rosier future if she learned the English language. Prior to yesterday's ruling, Liliana would have had to stay one more year and learn to speak English, giving her a shot at college and a middle-class job. Fortunately, a judge has intervened, and now there's a good chance Liliana will be able to spend the rest of her life watching stupider people achieving the American dream while she stays mired in low-wage jobs.
Bruce thinks we should present the problem as a choice between (A) teaching Liliana to speak English or (B) teaching every other person in the entire country to speak Spanish. The thing is, I suspect that given such a choice, an awful lot of politicians would go for plan (B). So, here's MY argument for requiring English:
A study from the Foundation for the Advancement of Knowledge and Education shows that Spanish-speaking high-school graduates are much more likely to work for Wal-Mart than English-speaking graduates.
That's right, I'm invoking the name of the Great Satan: W-A-L M-A-R-T.
English = Starbucks
I'll be mailing this study to Nancy Pelosi tomorrow. Start buying stock in Spanish-to-English dictionaries tonight.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Tue 9:01 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Laura Ingraham
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Conservative Cat: A Terrible Problem that Affects Spanish-Speaking Teenage Girls
May 7, 2006
Notes from Ferdy - Patrick Kennedy Crashes Without Burning
There has been a lot of chatter about Patrick Kennedy's recent car crash. Nose on Your Face compares Patrick's problem to his father's disastrous fall off the bridge at Chappaquidick, while Wizbang compares Kennedy's drug problem to Rush Limbaugh's.
A part of me is bothered by the fact that a portion of Rhode Island consistently chooses to be represented by a drug addict. But in fact it doesn't really matter. Patrick is not one of the few people in the House who are required to make public pronouncements or conduct televised hearings. Instead, he helps raise money for other Democrats. While you and I might have qualms about putting an alcoholic in a position where he's required to drink socially, the DNC has no reason to argue with the results.
In fact, the people of Rhode Island have no reason for complaint, either. If you take a peek at the Congressional Database, you will see that there were literally thousands of bills before the House in 2005, and the bills relating to appropriations and spending are over 1000 pages each. The others generally refer to sections of existing laws that are themselves hundreds of pages long. A Congressman cannot possibly juggle all that information in his head while he's wandering around soliciting votes and making compromises, so Rep. Kennedy is completely at the mercy of his staff. In fact, given that the bills on which Mr. Kennedy votes are Federal laws-- we are all completely at the mercy of his staff.
It gets worse.
Continue reading "Patrick Kennedy Crashes Without Burning"
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Conservative Blog Therapy: Kennedy: battling depression, alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, cocaine, pain-killers...but who could be better for R.I.?
May 6, 2006
Funny Stuff - Saturday
- Basil's Blog: Headline News
- Scrappleface: High Court May Replace Miranda with Kennedy Rights
- Peace Moonbeam: Alternate Universe
- The Skwib: Schism opens way for creation of SinoPope
- Random Yak: Lessons Learned While Guest Blogging at The Real Ugly American
Semi-Open Trackbacks: If you have something funny to share, link to this post and send a trackback, or submit it here and it will be considered for inclusion in the next roundup.
# At Sat 10:15 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Funny Stuff
Stop The ACLU: Sunday Funnies
May 5, 2006
Adventures with Bruce - A Disturbance in the Morphogenetic Field
Bruce just had a major anxiety attack, which he described as "thousands of minds screaming in agony and then going silent."
Is Al Gore giving a speech somewhere?
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Fri 1:11 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Adventures with Bruce
May 4, 2006
Funny Stuff - Thursday
- directionzero: Caption This Picture
- TV in Japan: The Not-so-Powerful Power Rangers
- Basil's Blog: Headline News
- Widgerson L