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May 4, 2006

Adventures with Bruce - Bruce and the Train Helper Guy

by Ferdinand T Cat

Yesterday Bruce had to go downtown for jury duty at the Cook County Circuit Court. Cook County uses the One Day or One Trial system, which means that if you don't get put on an actual jury, you only have to show up for the one day. Since no sane lawyer would ever allow Bruce in a courtroom, he always ends up serving the one day. The big problem is that Bruce takes the train, and this means he must deal with the Train Helper Guys on the way home. The Train Helper Guys hang out at the north entrance to Union Station, and if you look confused, they will help you figure out which train to take. After giving you this assistance, they will ask you for money. The problem is that Bruce always looks confused, so he has to get through the entrance and down the stairs very quickly to avoid paying the toll. Alas, he missed the train he'd intended to take and had to look at the posted schedule, at which point a Helper Guy caught him and helped steer him to gate N13.

The problem is that Bruce suffers from a learning disorder that manifests when he's under stress. In particular, he is unable to understand what people are saying. Even so, if the Train Helper Guy had said, Do you have a couple dollars to spare? everything would have turned out okay. Instead, he said Do you have any spare change?, so Bruce immediately gave the guy all the coins in his wallet. The negative reaction that followed was I think unnecessarily harsh, leaving Bruce quite thoroughly traumatized.

So, if you know any Train Helper Guys, please inform them that when you start demanding the cash for services rendered, it's important to be precise. There's simply no way to tell if your victim is an ordinary person or a high-performing idiot savant who doesn't have a clue.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat


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