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May 15, 2006

The Dimwit Zone - The "M" Word

Bill: Welcome back. For those of you who are just joining us, the story of the week is the first word to make it onto the Forbidden Terms list. The Forbidden Terms List is the brainchild of Senator Dick Durbin (D, IL) , who came up with the idea as a response to the Danish cartoon controversy. Senator Durbin released this statement on Monday after the bill had been passed into law.

Dick: In the days following the riots it became clear to people like me in the senate that if a drawing of something is bad, then to have the word itself muttered by an unbelieving heathen is unacceptable as well. To stop this problem we in Congress have just passed a law that will make certain words illegal to use in the English language, and the first word to be on that list will be the name of the Muslim prophet. I feel I am not alone when I say that the way the world thinks about us is much more important than free speech.

Bill: The law has been around a relatively short time, and already people are taking it to heart. A small town along the east coast in particular has made newsworthy progress. Reporting from the center of the story is rookie reporter Frank O'Herlihey. Frank are you there?

Frank: Thanks, Bill. As you can tell from the mob behind me, the enforcement of the law known as "The 'M' Word Clause" has picked up speed at an inspiring rate. The mob formed this morniing when local bowler and part time owner of a waffle and donut diner, Jack Shmoe, seemed to utter the "M Word" to a friend in Calafornia via a cell phone.

Bill: Are they certain it was the "M Word?"

Frank:Witnesses claim he said "I need 'the M Word' eggs," but he claims to have said "more ham and eggs." The crowd could not take the risk of inciting the local Muslim population into rioting. So to prevent more violence, they have Schmoe tied to a stake and are pelting him with small- to moderate-sized rocks. In addition, he has been smeared with honey and beset upon by killer bees while being burned. He probably regrets ever opening his mouth for more home mad- [Cut off as a section of the mob tackles him shouting "HE SAID THE M WORD" and procede to tear him limb from limb.]

Bill: Thanks for the report Frank. That's the news for today, and in closing, we are currently hiring interns for reporting jobs, details on line. Up next on this channel, "The Adventures of Jesus of Nazareth, Gay Prostitute."

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Posted by: Ross Erdmann at May 17, 2006 11:50 AM