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August 7, 2006
The Dimwit Zone - Mommy, Where do Trolls Come From?
Benny: And welcome back to DWZNN, where we do the thinking for you... Please? Now for the news of the day. A study in Berkeley California may have determined the origin of political alignment. We go now to... What the? Since when do I speak in Hypertext?
Barry: Thanks Benny. I'm reporting live from a child care nursery in Berkelely. A recent study revealed that whiny kids grow up to be conservatives. Kids like these young innocent things here could grow up to be those poor misguided souls who make up the American Right. I'm here with Daycare Worker Ms Matboon.
Ms Matboon: I prefer the term "Childcare technician" dearie.
Barry: Sorry. Now Ms Matboon, what do you think about this study?
Ms Matboon: It makes a lot of sense. Most of these children are such well behaved young things. I have always felt that there had to be something wrong with the ones who did complain. I can't for the life of me think of a reason for anyone to complain about being here. {Turns on a child} Charlie! How many times have I told you not to use a lunchbox that was made out of non-recyclable material!
Charlie: But miss...
Ms Matboon: No buts mister, and it's Ms. Now go stand in the corner!
Charlie: Unnnnnnhh. {Walks to the corner}
Ms Matboon: Like I was saying, I don't know why anyone would whine while they were here.
Barry: And neither can we. Back to you Benny.
Benny: The Red Panda is cute. It's amazing! With this power I could... I'm on? Sorry! Ahem. Thank you Barry. We now go to Birry, reporting on a seven second delay from an Internet Cafe.
Birry: .... Thanks Benny. I'm reporting live from an internet cafe. Here we see where the children end up. These are the content kids: they have grown big and strong, and are well on their way to being the cream of society's crop. I'm speaking now with the leader of this elite group, a Mr. Deah Lort. How are you Mr. Lort?
Lort: I'm content. We all are content. We see absolutely nothing wrong with the way things are, except that that miserable B****** is in the White house.
Birry: That's good to hear. I'd heard that there was a name for your group. What was it?
Lort: We call ourselves the "True Radicals and Obstinate Leftists League," but those lousy right wing ****-***** call us -
Troll 1: OMG!!!! THAT **** AT MY VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY SAID SOMETHING BAD ABOUT THE HEROES IN HEZBOLLAH!!!!!!!!
Troll 2: THAT *****!!!!
Troll 3: UNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHH!!!!
Birry: {over all the shouting and interrupted by bleeps} Well Mr. L---- Seems to ------cupied. It's obvi---- me that kids that -----whiny end unhapp----- kids that start content become ----------------.
Benny: We seem to be having trouble with Birry's signal, but I think we've heard all we need to hear. Coming up next: a study shows that most dead people vote Democratic.
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