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December 21, 2006

Adventures with Bruce - Dear Everybody

Hello, I'm Ferdinand T. Cat and it's my turn this year to write the family Christmas letter.

This year the Gremlin started seventh grade. The Gremlin and her sisters have traditionally served as the utility infielders of the junior high music program. Barb was moved from the violin to the viola, Maggie from the flute to the oboe, The Girl Who Feeds Me was moved from drums to the French Horn, and the Gremlin was converted from the bells to the Baritone. Listening to a pre-teen learning how to play a lower-register brass instrument is a powerful force, and the Gremlin's diligent practice sessions did something no one else had been able to accomplish: Nate (whose computer desk is in the same room where the Gremlin practices) got a job and a driver's license.

Barb still has her job at the pharmacy, and this year became a state-licensed pharmacy technician. This means she can dispense over-the-counter cold medicines, but she can't buy them. I don't make these rules, I just try to figure them out.

Maggie also got a job this year. Previously, most of her income was from baby-sitting special needs children, but that was erratic at best. She is currently working as a receptionist at a retail photo studio. Bruce's first full-time job was also as a receptionist, and he told her that the skills he learned there were an important factor in making him who he is today. This caused the poor girl to start crying.

The Girl Who Feeds Me is still playing in the Chicago Highlanders bagpipe band, and this summer for the first time she accompanied them to competitions. Most of these competitions occur at outdoor festivals that feature all sorts of Scottish-themed sporting events and demonstrations, including throwing around gigantic pieces of wood and hurling bales of hay over horizontal bars. I love the Girl dearly, but I really would prefer for her to find a hobby that takes her to festivals where they sell cheese snacks. Unfortunately, when you're dealing with someone who likes blasting away on a musical device designed to send battle instructions hundreds of yards away in foggy weather, your options are limited.

The Girl also convinced Bruce to stop drinking caffeine. This has improved his blood pressure and enabled him to sleep longer, but there were difficulties. During the withdrawal process, he started acting out his nightmares while asleep and wrenched several muscle groups in his hips. The pain was so great he was unable to sleep or work. Instead, he spent the day sitting in a corner rocking back and forth and moaning softly. Nate took him to the emergency room at a local hospital, and they gave him some sedatives so he could sleep.

Bruce is the main operator of the NMPDR bio-informatics web site, so he is on 24-hour call. He keeps his cellphone near his bed so they can wake him when he is asleep, but apparently this doesn't work on someone under heavy sedation.

Bruce's wife is several steps closer to becoming an ordained Lutheran minister. She did her field work as a chaplain at a local hospital and is interning at a church in downtown Chicago. The goofy thing about this is that instead of being paid for her time, they expect her to pay them for the privilege of doing really difficult jobs during the hours that the regular employees don't want. The idea that the church can get people to pay for the right to work has me thinking of starting a church of my own. Cats have been worshipped before, after all. I just need to come up with a theology in which it makes sense that one of the steps to becoming fluent in the faith is searching through newspapers and clipping out discount coupons for mozzarella cheese.

In closing, I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, even if you're celebrating a completely different holiday, and a Happy New Year. Remember, every bit of kindness makes the world a brighter place, so if you're feeling blue, consider doing the coupon thing for me.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

# At Thu 6:05 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (4) | More Adventures with Bruce | Tags: Barb Bruce Christmas family Maggie NMPDR Peg-Eye Nate religion The Girl The Gremlin

Trackback Pings

» Ferdy’s Christmas Letter from Musing Minds
Ferdy wrote the Christmas Letter this year and it’s a hoot. Remember to clip those coupons for Sargento’s cheese and send them off to Bruce (his human pet). ... [Read More]

Tracked on December 23, 2006 6:48 PM

Comments

Posted by: David at December 21, 2006 8:37 PM

Posted by: Suldog at December 22, 2006 11:13 AM

Posted by: John Holton at December 23, 2006 9:35 AM

Posted by: kimsch at December 23, 2006 6:46 PM