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January 17, 2007

Notes from Ferdy - A Positive Iraq Plan for the Democrats

I've been thinking about what the Democrats could do to make radical Muslims more comfortable with America. Pulling out of Iraq is a start, of course, but it's proving difficult to get any real consensus on how and when to do it. Worse, there is a very real possibility that a pullout will lead to a terrorist regime, an ethnic bloodbath, or both.

What the Democrats need is a way to make terrorists love us that doesn't involve any embarrassing consequences like an Iraqi civil war or wiping Israel off the map. Fortunately, one thing we do know is that many Muslims, both radical and mainstream, are upset about the American porn industry. This gives the Democrats a very easy strategy. To make America safe, we must outlaw pornography.

Of course, many people believe that pornography is an exercise of free speech that is protected by the First Amendment. I don't see that as an insurmountable problem, because Democrats believe that it is important to be "pragmatic" about applying the Constitution, and nothing is more pragmatic than convincing the terrorists that we're on their side!

If they want to be really safe, they could propose a new version of the First Amendment that prohibits any free speech that upsets America's enemies. This would not only solve our terrorism problem, it would force Rush Limbaugh off the air AND prevent President Bush from making any more of those uncomfortable speeches about the need to defeat terrorism. It's even possible that the Iraq troop surge would be unconstitutional. I mean, if taking your clothes off is a form of speech, then 21,500 fully-armed soldiers is a sonic boom.

So, if the Democrats really believe that the key to making America safe is appeasing the terrorists, they really only have one choice: Make Pornography History. Otherwise, people may start thinking the Dems are more interested in consolidating their power than acting on their principles, and that sort of thinking will definitely not make America safe.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

# At Wed 1:38 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Notes from Ferdy | Tags: conservative Democrats free speech humor Iraq Islam Muslim pornography terrorism War and Peace

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