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January 21, 2007

Confused Americans for Truth - The First Whatever President

by Ferdinand T Cat

It is over a year between today and the first primaries, but already the Presidential field is getting crowded. The New York Times has the following complaint about this problem.

The candidates could be forced to move more quickly to take positions on big issues, stripping them of the chance to run on more gauzy platforms in the early stages and therefore exposing them to more direct criticism from rivals, interest groups and the news media.

The Times is upset because the candidates will be forced to argue issues, instead of personalities.

Not being superior life forms, the Times's writers have overlooked the fact that we already have two candidates who don't need to run on the issues: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. These two candidates have a historic aspect that dwarfs any actual policies they might have: Obama would be the first African-American President and Clinton would be the first Female President.

To make the Times happy and keep issues from clouding the nomination process, all we need to do is come up with a historic aspect for other candidates that would enable them to avoid taking a position on the issues until they've had a chance to run their opinions by focus groups and market analysts. Here are some of my ideas.

  • John Edwards would be the first Multi-Millionaire Personal Injury Lawyer President.
  • John McCain would be the first Journalist-Approved Republican President.
  • Dennis Kucinich would be the first President to survive an endorsement from MoveOn.Org.
  • Newt Gingrich would be the first Star Wars villain to become President. (The same would be true of Christopher Dodd, but only if he picks Trent Lott as his running mate.)

I'm sure you get the idea.

Of course, if you want a really historic Presidency, it would have to look something like this:

Ferdy for President, because America needs someone who knows how to deal with weasels

Unfortunately, it's really hard to form an exploratory committee when you don't have a Social Security number.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

Trackposted to Outside the Beltway, Is It Just Me?, The Random Yak, Adam's Blog, Big Dog's Weblog, basil's blog, Shadowscope, Stuck On Stupid, Phastidio.net, Thought Alarm, Cao's Blog, 123 Beta, Wake Up America, Rightwing Guy, The HILL Chronicles, third world county, Faultline USA, Woman Honor Thyself, stikNstein... has no mercy, The Uncooperative Blogger ®, Pirate's Cove, The Right Nation, Blue Star Chronicles, The Pink Flamingo, Diggers Realm, Dumb Ox Daily News, Right Voices, and Gone Hollywood, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

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Tracked on March 14, 2007 8:36 PM

Comments

Unfortunately, it's really hard to form an exploratory committee when [cats] don't have a Social Security number.

Don't give the Dems any ideas, Ferdy! ;-)


Posted by: David Drake at January 22, 2007 6:05 PM

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