The Conservative Cat

One of the most common fallacies in political discussion is something Bruce calls the cynical enthymeme. It usually goes something like this.

• Premise 1: If A is greedy and immoral, then A would do B.
• Premise 2: A did B.
• Conclusion: Therefore A is greedy and immoral.

This chain of reasoning is used to prove that liberals support welfare only because they want to buy votes or that conservatives want to cut taxes so they can screw the little guy. It's very useful.

Now, as presented above, the logic is clearly faulty. If X implies Y and Y is true, it doesn't tell you anything about X. For example, if it rains, then the sidewalk gets wet; however, if you see a wet sidewalk, it could have been caused by an overzealous lawn sprinkler instead of inclement weather.

What enables people to use the cynical enthymeme and get away with it is a third premise hidden so deep in the human brain that most people don't even know it exists.

• Premise 3: People who disagree with me are bad.

This hidden premise comes from the human tribal instinct, which is one of those mixed-blessing things. The instinct allows people to live all jammed together in cities and practice commerce, but it also causes wars, racism, and Rosie O'Donnell.

The third premise is also why there is a double standard in politics. Democrats see themselves as compassionate and generous, so a Democrat passing out favors in exchange for campaign contributions is simply indulging a generous impulse. A Republican doing the same thing is just another example of the screw-the-consumer behavior that's ruined this once-great country.

This appears to be a double standard because pluging two particular scandals into the original enthymeme gets you the same result. On the other hand, when you bring the third premise into the light, it's clear why Tom Delay is a crook and Dianne Feinstein isn't: Tom DeLay disagrees with most journalists, so the third premise applies. Diane agrees with most journalists, so the third premise fails for her and the conclusion can't be drawn.

This mode of thinking is killing us because it turns politics into a competition between people instead of ideas. That is especially tragic for conservatives, who keep voting for people who sound conservative but don't implement conservative ideas.

So it's time to stop arguing about who's corrupt and who isn't. There will never be a winner in that conflict unless people stop thinking like tribal primates and start thinking like solitary felines. Instead, we need to talk about ideas. There are lots of good ideas out there, many of which are mine, and they have to be our absolutely first priority if we're ever going to get out of this mess.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat