The Conservative Cat

In the United States, we're not allowed to build nuclear power plants, which means we have to import carbon-spewing fossil fuels to make up the difference. Iran, on the other hand, a nation with 100 billion barrels in oil reserves, is not only building nuclear plants, but positioning itself to produce nuclear missiles as well.

The reaction was quite different when Ronald Reagan proposed placing nuclear missiles in Europe.

But this should not be surprising to anyone. If you like the American way of life, there's a chance you're being selfish and naive. If you hate America, however, you are automatically altruistic, even if America has made you fabulously wealthy. In a sense, the act of betrayal is proof of honest intentions.

I don't make these rules; I just try to figure them out.

In any case, this is the exactly the problem in Iraq. As a creation of American military force, the government of Nouri al-Maliki has no credibility in a world where America-bashing is the requirement for entry into polite society. But if the insurgents expel the Americans and set up an anti-American dictatorship, they'll become international celebrities like Hugo Chavez.

There is, however, a simpler, less violent method for practicing anti-Americanism-- international journalism. Instead of killing people and blowing things up, the insurgents should all be hired as freelance reporters for CNN. Not only will this enable them to continue their strategy of disrupting the government, it will also increase their chances of cadging free meals from publicity-hungry celebrities and politicians.

We know for a fact that some CNN reporters have worked with the insurgents already, so it wouldn't be all that expensive to implement this plan. The next time a CNN reporter goes on location at a bomb factory or a sniper's nest, they can pass out a video camera and a job application to each insurgent on the scene.

After all, if the pen is mightier than the sword, then a live video feed has got to be tons more damaging than a roadside bomb.

Respectfully submitted

Ferdinand T. Cat