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April 4, 2007
The Dimwit Zone - Democrats Take Words Hostage Until Demands Are Met
Democrats on the House Armed Services Committee announced today that they have taken an unspecified number of words and phrases hostage until the Bush Administration complies with their demands to pull troops out of Iraq. The hostages include such phrases as Global War on Terror, long war, and unpatriotic.
"Keeping bad words away from the public is important," said committee staff director Erin Conaton, who asked not to be named. "For example, the word 'swamp' conjures up images of poison gases, terrible diseases, and mud traps. If you call it a 'wetland', however, then it's something truly beautiful and worth protecting. It could even be a fun place to visit if you don't mind poison gases, terrible diseases, and mud traps."
Committee Chairman Ike Skelton [D, MO], told Dimwit News that the seizure of the words is completely justified, primarily because the words were operating in Democrat-controlled waters. "Republicans have been using the words in question to confuse the public about the Iraq War. Iraq is in a state of civil war that has nothing to do with what happened on September 11. It has no more relevance to terrorism than the 1979 civil war in Iran when the Shah was deposed."
Presidential Press Secretary Tony Snow is preparing an official response, but he claims to be having trouble finding the right words.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
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