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June 10, 2007
Force Football - Shutout in Detroit
This weekend the Chicago Force played the Detroit Predators in the Predators' home stadium in Livonia Michigan. Bruce and Nate wanted to attend the game, but its a 4.5 hour drive each way. Now, some people may think that only a crazy person would spend 9 hours in a car to see a 2-hour football game. That may be true, but it has nothing to do with Bruce. Fortunately, The Girl Who Feeds Me was not working this weekend. Bruce pointed out to her that she needed 9 more hours behind the wheel to qualify for a driver's license, and this trip would enable her to do it all in a single day. That was a good thing, because no one feels safe if Bruce is driving.
Saturday morning I told them to be sure to get there on time, because with the Force, when you arrive five minutes late you risk missing the first touchdown. Let the record show that the Force got their first touchdown four minutes into the first quarter. This is more proof of how valuable my advice is.
Anyway, the trip paid off because Bruce, Nate, and The Girl all got to meet their favorite defensive back-- Jennifer Dulski the Human Cannonball. The meeting was courtesy of Jennifer's parents, who were also at the game. Unfortunately, once it was clear the Force was going to win, Jennifer was put on the bench. Bruce's theory is that they're saving her for the big game against the Detroit Demolition on the 30th. Jennifer hits so hard that it is not uncommon for a medic to be called in for either her or the opposing player she takes out. This season, the Demolition is the only team that's been able to defeat the Force, and the last thing the Force needs for that last game is their ace defensive back on the disabled list. The downside for the fans is that we don't get to see her play as much.
There were a lot of penalties, all of them against the Force. Here Bruce's poor understanding of the game makes it difficult for me to interpret his notes correctly. For example, he described one penalty as the referee signaled that a riverboat turned left and another as the umpire made a motion like those people with the weird flashlights at airports. We have to put up with this because I can't attend the games myself. Getting to a game involves me being in a car. I would rather be stabbed several times and fondled by a guy with ice-cold hands than spend even one minute in those aluminum death-traps you people use to move from place to place. In fact, now that I think of it, every time I'm in a car, it's usually going to or from the place where they do the stabbing and the cold hands thing. That, however, is not the point. The point is: I do not do cars.
There were some terrific plays. Bruce noted that Esther Henigan keeps pushing forward even with four people hanging on to her. There was also a great catch by Wide Receiver Linda Bache that was nullified by a flag on the play. It was one of several heart breakers for her. Another time she caught the ball just as another player grabbed it. On a third occasion one of the Predators dragged her out of receiving position by yanking on her shirt. I'm not sure that's entirely legal, but there was no flag on that play.
As the game winds down to the final two minutes, it ceases to be about who wins. If the Force has the ball, it's about one last touchdown. If the opposing team has the ball, it's about preserving the shutout. In this game, the Force had the ball, and the one last touchdown was a long pass to Linda Bache which made up for all the earlier goofiness.
The final score was 41 for the Force, 0 for the Predators. The same two teams will meet again here in Chicago on Saturday June 23.
We did learn one thing from the drive itself. To save on gasoline (which, by the way, is 50 cents per gallon cheaper in Michigan), Bruce, Nate, and The Girl used a compact car rather than the van which Bruce usually drives. There is, it turns out, a big difference between 4 hours in a van and 4 hours in a compact car, and when they got home, Bruce's legs were cramped so bad that he could barely walk. The terrible thing about this is that it's very hard to convince a guy who can't walk that he wants to go into the kitchen to give you a tablespoon of Sargento's Fancy Shred Mozzarella Cheese.
So, if your pet human is going to drive to a football game 300 miles away, be sure he gets out of the car and stretches his legs every 30 minutes or so. Football is important, but it's not nearly as important as being able to feed the cat.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Sun 3:37 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Force Football | Tags: cats Chicago Force Detroit Predators environmentalism Esther Henigan family feminism football Jennifer Dulski Linda Bache mozzarella cheese Sargento's sports The Girl
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