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July 18, 2007
Notes from Ferdy - An Essay on the Dangers of Turning Off the Brain
Living as I do with a movie buff, I see a lot of films. Bruce recently went on a Ridley Scott marathon, and as a result I ended up watching a film called Black Rain, which was pretty awful, and contained the following line of dialog.
Sometimes you should forget your head and grab your balls.
Now it is true that turning off your brain is an essential prerequisite to grabbing one's testicles, because closing your fist around them and pulling is a good way to put yourself into a coma. However, I think the guy is being metaphorical. In the realm of metaphor, balls is supposed to represent courage to the point of stupidity. Certainly, the shoot-first-and-ignore-the-rules philosophy of Black Rain is an excellent example of that sort of balls.
The thing is, the idea of turning off your head is a recurring theme in movies, most of which advise that you follow your heart even though it's asking you to do something really idiotic. It's a very bad message, and thanks to my status as a superior life form, I can prove it.
Here on Earth, there is a species of large primate that has opposable thumbs but does not use its head. In the world map shown above, the red area shows the part where this non-thinking primate lives. The white area shows the part where humans live. Even if you were to add Washington DC as a habitat of primates that don't think, the white area still dwarfs the red.
So don't listen to all these movies: use your head! There's a reason it was put there.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
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