The Conservative Cat

« A Sonic Problem | Main | Michelle Obama's Inexperience Gets Her Hammered »

August 21, 2007

Confused Americans for Truth - Former Democratic Congresswoman Saves Young Conservatives From Reading Dull Books

When I originally saw this story about former Democratic Congresswoman Pat Schroeder, I was going to do one of my standard debunking treatments. But it occurred to me that I may be looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Lately, instead of spending her time catering to the needs of the household cats, The Girl Who Feeds Me has been reading a book for school. The Girl reads a lot, and normally she can plow through a book in less than a week, but this one is a pretty dull diatribe about racism, and for someone who's an absolute nut about brevity and efficiency, the constant hammering on a single theme is tough going.

As a superior life form, I immediately realized that the news story I was going to debunk was in fact a way out for the poor girl. Pat Schroeder, who is president of the American Association of Publishers, says that conservatives are unable to get interested in anything more complicated than a bumper sticker. As an example of this problem, she suggested that maybe the sort of books conservatives would want to read would have the phrase no new taxes repeated over and over.

If this generalization turns out not to be true, it would be a huge embarrassment to Ms. Schroeder, the AAP, and the various news outlets who ran the story about her analysis of political reading habits. Worse, some people might start to believe that many in the publication industry are afflicted with an arrogant stereotype of conservatives that makes modern novels about as stimulating as Farfour the Terrorist Mouse.

Obviously, I can't let that happen.

So, if you are a young conservative and you are asked to read a book for English class, inform your teacher that the entire fabric of the dominant media culture will completely unravel if you try to read anything more complicated than a bumper sticker. I know, it's a huge sacrifice, but the American Association of Publishers is counting on you to keep them from looking bad. And look at the bright side: when you finish your report on the latest bumper sticker, you'll have all sorts of spare time you can use reading the really good books that aren't featured in your school curriculum, like

• The Discworld Novels, by Terry Pratchett
• The Repairman Jack Series, by F. Paul Wilson
• The Lord of the Isles Series, by David Drake
• The Miles Vorkosigan Series, by Lois McMaster Bujold
• Any book by Jane Austen
• Any book by Timothy Zahn
• The Old Man's War Series by John Scalzi

These are books about responsibility, fidelity, pride, and courage. They are not about how awful our civilization used to be or why it's important to hate Certain People or how the world would be a Better Place if the government just Did More Stuff with other people's money. They're useless for navigating through school, but they'll make you see real life in a new way.

One important piece of advice from The Girl: don't read these books before bed, because you'll still be reading when the morning alarm goes off. Before bedtime, you want something that is not mentally challenging, such as a comic book, or even better, one of the books they've assigned you to read for school.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

# At Tue 9:59 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (1) | More Confused Americans for Truth | Tags: American Association of Publishers books conservative David Drake Discworld education English humor Jane Austen John Scalzi Lois McMaster Bujold Pat Schroeder satire school Terry Pratchett The Girl Timothy Zahn

Trackback Pings

» Amazing Angels (and OTB) from Rosemary's Thoughts
Just in case you have not heard, there is an organization called Soldiers' Angels. You may have noticed that I've added a link to the Project Valour IT donations. These men and women are absolutely outstanding. Working behind the scenes, they have he... [Read More]

Tracked on August 22, 2007 1:28 PM

Comments

Posted by: David at August 21, 2007 10:20 PM