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December 7, 2007
Confused Americans for Truth - In Which I Perform a Pre-emptive Strike
A left-leaning San Francisco radio host has been charged with viewing child pornography. The details of the indictment are still sealed, but the host in question-- Bernie Ward-- claims he was only doing research for a book on hypocrisy.
What disturbs me is allegations that this is due to some right-wing conspiracy. If the grossly inept right-wing publicity machine can take out a pundit, then imagine what Hillary Clinton could do to me for this sort of thing.
Therefore, I have decided to clarify something.
I am not, have not been, and never will be trafficking in under-age cheese.
While it is correct that mozzarella is supposed to be aged for seven days, low-moisture cheese with salt content can be cured in only 48 hours. This is not something I'm making up: it's scientific fact and there is even a patent on the process.
I take my cheese very seriously, and I taste-test every bag that comes into the house to insure that it's of the highest quality. If I have to chug down half a pound to be absolutely sure of the quality, I do so without reservation.
The point is, you all know how I feel about mozzarella cheese, and anybody who says otherwise is obviously a shill for the Democrats.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
# At Fri 11:13 AM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (0) | More Confused Americans for Truth | Tags: Bernie Ward campaign 2008 conservative Hillary Clinton humor mozzarella cheese satire
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