The Conservative Cat

« Watching Women's Football During an April Blizzard | Main | How We Got Here »

April 20, 2008

Force Football - Having a Really Good Time with Umbrellas at a Football Game

Last night was the home opener for the Chicago Force, and Bruce and Nate were there banging their umbrellas to cheer on the team. The opposing team was the Detroit Demolition. I have to admit that I felt a certain trepidation about the game. The Force has never beaten the Demoltion. The Demolition was coming off of a 34-0 blowout against the Columbus Phantoms while the Force's previous game was a hard-fought 14-7 victory over the Wisconsin Wolves. Most important of all, the Detroit Demolition uniforms are a hideous orange color and it's demoralizing to even look at them.

Nonetheless, when the guys got home I could tell the Force had won, because Bruce had a sort of dreamy, happy look on his face and Nate had destroyed his umbrella. My theory is that by thinking like cats, the Force players were able to block out the hideous orange thing and concentrate on beating the Demolition.

The Force was really hampered by penalties. Two first down carries by Bridget Fahrner and a 20-yard run by Melissa Smith were among many great plays wiped out by a flag on the play. By the third quarter, the Force fans were getting pretty testy. Bruce even went so far as to call one of the referees "esthetically challenged". Of course, by that time his voice was almost completely gone. Bruce is in excellent health for a 65-year-old man (his biological age is 52, but that's another story), but his voice box is fairly fragile, and after a typical Force game it takes several days before he can shout again. For this reason, even though his daughters work on Saturdays and can't attend the games, they really, really love the Force football season and do everything they can to make sure Bruce can get to every game.

Anyway, the Demolition had a really hard time getting any distance when they had the ball. In particular, their offensive line could not stop six-year veteran Linebacker Pam Schaffrath, who was involved in at least half the tackles. Pam works for the Chicago Police Department, and Nate says he feels safer just knowing she's out there. (Bruce already feels safe because most criminals think it's bad luck to attack a crazy person.)

The first touchdown was on a pass to rookie Brandi Srda. Nate says Brandi also got the first touchdown in last week's game in a really exciting play with less than a minute left in the first half. I mentioned to him that it would have been really nice to know that last week WHEN I WAS WRITING ABOUT THAT GAME, but a man with four sisters is not easily intimidated, so it's unlikely he's learned his lesson.

Sorry. I got off track again. After the touchdown pass, the Force had the lead, but they failed to get the extra point. The next touchdown was by the Demolition on a pass into the end zone with only 54 seconds to go. The Demolition made the extra point, and the first half ended with the Demolition leading 7-6.

During the halftime, the announcer read an ad for Hot Doug's Sausage Superstore in which he opined that the two most beautiful words in the English Language were encased meat. Then the concession stand began barbecuing in earnest, causing a gray, pork-flavored haze to cover the entire field. It was under these gloomy conditions that the Force and the Demolition battled their way back and forth across the field in the third quarter. Eventually, the fans went a little crazy and started yelling "ENCASED MEAT! ENCASED MEAT!" I don't know if it was the haze, or the cheer, or the pressure of a whole bunch of Force players tearing through the offensive line, but something incredible happened: the Demolition fumbled a punt.

I mention all this so that if the Encased Meat Cheer makes an appearance at another sporting event you'll know where it started.

Anyway, the ball was now getting pretty close to the Demolition end zone. The Force pushed the ball to the 5 yard line, and a touchdown pass from Sam Grisafe to Kimberly Marks put the Force in the lead 12 to 7.

The Force fans went completely nuts, and after that the Demolition just couldn't seem to get the momentum back. The final touchdown was by Keesha Brooks, after Kimberly Marks forced the Demolition to fumble the ball in their own end zone, bringing the score to 18-7 Force. The Demolition refused to quit, attempting a final run for the goal with only 9 seconds left in the game, but it went nowhere.

Next week the Force is going to Kenosha to play against the Wisconsin Warriors. Kenosha is in Wisconsin, but it's well south of Madison, the site of last week's blizzard. So if you're in the area, please come to the game to cheer on the Force. I have a very good feeling about this season, and you're going to want to tell your grandchildren that you were there when it happened.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

UPDATED 04/22/08: The final touchdown was incorrectly reported in the original article as being the work of Lisa Chase. Bruce has been punished for making this mistake.

# At Sun 7:11 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (3) | More Force Football | Tags: Brandi Srda Bridget Fahrner Chicago Force Detroit Demolition encased meat feminism football Hot Doug humor Keesha Brooks Kimberly Marks Pam Schaffrath sports umbrellas women

Trackback Pings

» Texas Two-Step...The Wrong Way from Rosemary's Thoughts
There's been a dance of sorts going on in a town in Texas, and I do not like it. No, not one bit! A son got suspended from school for two days for answering a phone call from his father who is in Iraq risking his life. This may have been his last ...... [Read More]

Tracked on April 20, 2008 9:35 PM

Comments

Posted by: mk at April 22, 2008 1:10 PM

Posted by: Ferdy at April 22, 2008 3:38 PM

Posted by: programı at May 3, 2008 3:25 PM