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June 7, 2008
EMAIL Hell - This Girl Should Not Be Bored
Please take note of the girl on the left. This is no ordinary girl, folks. Even if you have SpamAssassin, MailScanner, and a client-side filter protecting your inbox, chances are you've received multiple messages from this woman claiming that she's bored and wants to talk to you. She goes by the names Cameron, Linda, Charlotta, Brittany, Nadine, Kerstin, Wendy, and dozens of others that I no longer remember. Plus, she always uses a friend's EMAIL, and it's a different friend each time.
If you see this girl, please convince her to get some help. The constant boredom, the continuing search for the companionship of strangers, and the multiple names are all signs of a serious psychological problem. Every moment this woman spends outside of therapy is one minute closer to the sort of massive disassociation from reality that produces a spree killer or (even worse) an Illinois politician. This is not a joke, friends: it is a very small step from sending millions of self-promoting EMAILs and plastering your name on every toll booth in the state.
Do us all a favor and stop this poor girl while there's still time.
Respectfully submitted,
Ferdinand T. Cat
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