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July 7, 2008

Laura Ingraham - Laura Ingraham and the Possibility of Victory in Iraq

Laura Ingraham's trial on Fox News Channel.has ended, and America's Election HQ is back in the 4pm ET time slot. The radio show, however, continues.

Today Laura spent some time talking to Bill Kristol about the success of the Iraq surge, which is getting more coverage in the European press than it does here in America. Kristol's theory is that the American media is more personally vested in the idea of Iraq as a new Vietnam, and therefore less likely to accept the fact that the situation has changed.

This is all very reasonable, but I'm afraid Laura's natural cynicism about the mainstream press is affecting her judgment. As a superior life form, I can see what's really going on here: the press is trying to prevent Global Warming.

See, Global Warming is caused by the burning of fossil fuels. To prevent Global Warming, we need to switch to using nuclear power. But nuclear power is scary, so only countries that are hostile to the United States-- Iran, North Korea, France-- are allowed to build new plants. If the insurgents are defeated in Iraq, then Iraq will become a U.S. ally, and the first thing they'll do is start pumping oil. BUT, if the insurgents take over, Iraq will be a rogue nation again and we'll actually pay them to build nuclear power plants. Within months, polar bears will begin moving back up north.

There's no question that if we continue to succeed in Iraq, John McCain would be able to consolidate our victory and put Iraq back on its feet. This would mean more oil on the market, lower gasoline prices, and economic benefits to American companies that can invest there. That last is the biggest problem, because people with more money tend to live longer, and every one of them is going to be exhaling carbon dioxide! So, if we're going to save the world, America needs more poverty, fewer jobs, and significantly reduced economic opportunity. That means WE NEED OBAMA.

Armed with this information, I'm sure you'll all do the right thing this November.

Respectfully submitted,

Ferdinand T. Cat

# At Mon 5:40 PM | Permalink | Trackback URI | Comments (2) | More Laura Ingraham | Tags: Barack Obama Bill Kristol conservative energy environmentalism foreign policy Global Warming humor Iran Iraq John McCain journalism Laura Ingraham North Korea nuclear power nuclear proliferation oil satire

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Posted by: Michael at July 8, 2008 2:49 PM

Posted by: Scribbler at February 27, 2009 12:00 PM