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September 7, 2008

The Dimwit Zone - A Bad Idea At The Time

by Peg-Eye Nate

Bill: ...until the word "Maudlin" is almost totally obscured. And in local news, what started as an innocent prank has ended in disaster for an otherwise normal suburban youth. We go now live to Tom Harrold at the Schaumburg police station. Tom?

Tom: Thanks Bill, I'm here talking to Mr. Nathaniel Parrello, who is recuperating after conducting an unauthorized psychology experiment at Woodfield Mall.

Nate: I wouldn't call it a failure.... Well not completely.

Tom: Yes... Mr. Parrello--

Nate: Call me Nate, it's easier to type.

Tom: Thanks. So, Nate, perhaps you could explain why you think your experiment failed.

Nate: I wouldn't call it a complete failure, Tom. I've learned how many women in Schaumburg carry mace, and what happens to a cuddly young man during a night in jail. These are valuable lessons.

Tom: Okay, so can you tell us how you learned these things?

Nate: The plan was, I'd have one of my friends stand a distance away with a camera, and on my signal he would turn it on and train it on me. Then I would walk up to a random person, put my face within inches of theirs, and shout "FEAR ME FOR I AM GOD!!!!" Then I would walk away as though nothing had happened.

Tom: And what did you expect your victims to do?

Nate: I prefer to call them "test subjects", Tom. Since I'm the one with the hairline fracture in my left tibia and a face full of taser burns, I think I'm the real victim.

Tom: And what exactly do you think you would do differently next time, if there is a next time?

Nate: I believe the flaw in my original plan was the walking-away part. Next time, instead of walking away, I plan to run away as if my pants were on fire. In fact, many of the local law enforcement officers that I've gotten to know in the past few hours have offered to help me practice. Their enthusiasm is amazing!

Tom: I can see their point. From the Schaumburg village jail, I'm Tom Harrold. Back to you, Bill.

Trackposted to The Virtuous Republic, No Apology, Blog @ MoreWhat.com, Rosemary's Thoughts, Right Truth, Dollar Traveler, Shadowscope, , Leaning Straight Up, Cao's Blog, The Amboy Times, NN&V, Democrat=Socialist, Pet's Garden Blog, Diary of the Mad Pigeon, Allie is Wired, third world county, Political Byline, Woman Honor Thyself, DragonLady's World, Walls of the City, The World According to Carl, Pirate's Cove, The Pink Flamingo, Stageleft, and Right Voices, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

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Tracked on September 9, 2008 11:53 AM

Comments

Isn't pranking soooo much fun!

*heh*

Good luck with the fracture, the taser burns, the...


Posted by: David at September 7, 2008 11:41 PM

You know, I have absolutely no idea how to respond to this... In the spirit of possibilities, though, good luck with the recovery. Mace sucks, and I can only imagine tasers suck more.


Posted by: Linoge Author Profile Page at September 8, 2008 7:12 AM

Ah, the lessons of youth.

This too shall pass. My condolences.


Posted by: MaxedOutMama at September 8, 2008 11:21 AM

Life is a learning experience. Sometimes the tuition is higher. Learn and remember so you do not have to repeat the course.


Posted by: KentuckyJim Author Profile Page at September 9, 2008 9:48 AM

so....are you going to post the video?


Posted by: KentuckyJim Author Profile Page at September 9, 2008 9:49 AM

Today Bruce got a panicked call from a close relative inquiring as to whether Nate actually did this and had to spend the night in jail. In case anybody else is confused, Dimwit Zone articles are all completely fictional. When Nate first proposed his experiment, everybody thought it would be really cool if he were to actually do it; however, Nate is one of those people who would not take a dare to save his life. You can call him a coward, a wimp, or a sissy and it just rolls right off. I would like to say that this marvelous mutant power of his is a result of my influence, but unfortunately, he's had it since long before I was born.


Posted by: Ferdy at September 9, 2008 6:27 PM

Have you seen this?

http://www.adultswim.com/promos/kittenvsnewborn/kitten.html

Bruce needs to throw his hat in the ring.



Posted by: kevin at September 9, 2008 10:53 PM

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