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December 15, 2008

The Ellie Zone - Don't Hurt My Feelings

by Ellie

WARNING!!!! Past this line lies...

The Ellie Zone

This place is wrought with horror and destruction! Enter at the risk of your sanity.

Ok. Intro's over.
I sincerely apologize for not getting to you guys last time. I ran out of topics. So, if you guys have any suggestions, E-mail Bruce The Human Pet and he'll forward them to me.

So anyway, the topic for today is pretty weird. Basically, I'm going to try to talk about a certain characteristic of mine that is very odd and very complicated, so I thought it might be a good post. Ok, fine. I'll start now.

I am emotionally numb.

This is the best way to put it, but still doesn't fully describe it. I guess you could say I'm deprived. But even that doesn't really work.

You see, thing is, well, it's sorta....

Ok. here's the deal. I do everything according to impulse. So, because of this, I never know what I'm feeling. Now, this is different than what you all are probably thinking. It's not that I don't feel stuff. I do. I get angry and sad and annoyed and frustrated and really really happy and all that jazz, I just can't tell the difference. And no, it still isn't what you're thinking. It's not that I don't know what to feel, It's that I don't know what I'm feeling.

It's difficult to explain. It's sort of like when your foot falls asleep. You know that it's there, but you can't feel it.

Yeah. It's like that. I know that I'm feeling stuff, but I don't know what it is. I know that I have emotions, but I don't know what they are. I know, but I don't. Does that make sense?

I think I should have stopped at the foot thing. It's the same as that, only there isn't any tingling afterwards. So I guess you could say my emotions are asleep.

I'm happy, how about you?

Smile,

Ellie The Gremlin


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There's actually a name for this condition. It's called alexithymia. It's a condition where someone has difficulty identifying their feelings or distinguishing between them. Although, in your case, I doubt that it's very severe.

I actually found an online questionnaire for rating someone's level of alexithymia, if you're interested. Don't ask me how reliable it is, though. I stopped part way through it. Here's the link:
http://oaq.blogspot.com/


Posted by: Michael at December 15, 2008 9:03 PM

I'm much the same way. I find it not only requires lengthy introspection to determine "hey, I feel happy!", but emotionally-driven actions of characters in books often leave me baffled. "Why on earth did he just say he loves her? They only met at the crime scene a few hours ago!"

Sometimes after determining that I feel happy/sad/anxious, I completely forget about it. Then a few hours later, "oh, I am supposed to be depressed. *back to programming*"

Do you find it necessary to actually run through a rubric to differentially-diagnose your emotional state? I do; one of the ways I can tell if I am happy or excited, is that I find myself drumming African rhythms on my belly.


Posted by: pookleblinky at December 17, 2008 9:48 PM

Is everyone OK there at CC or is there some sort of sickness? Haven't seen a new post for a long long time?

I hope that everything is OK that you all are in good health (especially Ferdy) and are having the greatest time!!!

Don't forget to pat the cats from time to time!

dean0


Posted by: dean0 at January 4, 2009 10:16 AM

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