The Dimwit Zone
35 entries
- EMAIL Wars: the Terrible Truth About Joe Biden
Fair is fair, and given the depth to which Sarah Palin's privacy has been invaded, I thought I would take a look at the Democratic V.P. candidate's emails to see what kind of person will be a heartbeat away from...
# At September 18, 2008 1:32 AM | Tags: Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative email humor Joe Biden Sarah Palin satire spam - A Bad Idea At The Time
Bill: ...until the word "Maudlin" is almost totally obscured. And in local news, what started as an innocent prank has ended in disaster for an otherwise normal suburban youth. We go now live to Tom Harrold at the Schaumburg police...
# At September 7, 2008 11:06 PM | Tags: bad ideas humor jail jokes parody pranks psychology satire shopping - Sailor Moon All Over Again
# At August 7, 2008 11:34 PM | Tags: anime Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative humor Sailor Moon satire - New York Times Reporters Admitted to Hospital with Severe Brain Injuries
New York Times reporters Richard Oppel Jr. and Jeff Zeleny were admitted to Bellevue Medical Center earlier this afternoon. The two reporters, who had been tasked with making Barack Obama's Iraq tour look like a foreign-policy triumph, were complaining of...
# At July 22, 2008 8:19 PM | Tags: Barack Obama brains campaign 2008 conservative foreign policy hospitals humor Iraq Jeff Zeleny John McCain journalism Laura Ingraham New York Times Nuri al-Maliki paranoia Richard Oppel Jr. satire - The Ultimate Internet Scheme
Do you want to buy cheap prescription drugs from people you've never seen? Do you believe that you may have won a million-dollar lottery you've never even heard of? Are you convinced that Bill Gates knows everything you do and...
# At October 8, 2007 2:15 PM | Tags: fraud humor marketing satire scam spam - Senate Leader Reid Announces Pet Food Problem is Lost
Coming hard on the heels of news that melamine-laced food imports from China may have been fed to pigs intended for human consumption, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid [D-NV] has declared that the situation with tainted food imports is "lost",...
# At April 21, 2007 4:54 PM | Tags: China conservative Democrats Harry Reid humor imports Iraq melamine pet food satire - Democrats Take Words Hostage Until Demands Are Met
Democrats on the House Armed Services Committee announced today that they have taken an unspecified number of words and phrases hostage until the Bush Administration complies with their demands to pull troops out of Iraq. The hostages include such phrases...
# At April 4, 2007 11:12 PM | Tags: conservative Democrats Erin Conaton humor Ike Skelton Iran Iraq politics satire - Senator Clinton Announces Plan to Run as a Reagan Conservative
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton announced today that she intends to run as a Reagan Conservative. While most Republican candidates are positioning themselves as Ronald Reagan's heir, Senator Clinton would be the first Democrat. "The American public wants a man...
# At February 21, 2007 9:20 PM | Tags: campaign 2008 conservative Hillary Clinton humor politics Ronald Reagan satire tax cuts - The Truth Behind the Air America Rumors
Earlier this week rumors surfaced that the liberal talk-radio network Air America would be filing for bankruptcy. It turns out that the expected bankruptcy filing never materialized, even though in fact the network is facing severe financial shortfalls. We now...
# At September 17, 2006 9:32 AM | Tags: Air America bankrupt humor satire scam spam - In Which I Predict Some Reactions to the Liquid Explosive Plot
While reading blog articles and news dispatches about the recent terror plot, there are certain stories that I expect to be seeing, but which have not yet appeared. Therefore, I have to assume they're being covered up by the media....
# At August 10, 2006 10:37 PM - Mommy, Where do Trolls Come From?
Benny: And welcome back to DWZNN, where we do the thinking for you... Please? Now for the news of the day. A study in Berkeley California may have determined the origin of political alignment. We go now to... What the?...
# At August 7, 2006 9:32 AM | Tags: conservative humor liberals satire skepticism - Hot Stock Tip Spam
HOT STOCK TIP!YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO MISS THIS! Wisconsin cheese manufacturer Sargento Foods, Inc. has just lost its biggest customer! Check out this link: http://www.conservativecat.com/mt/archives/2006/07/in_which_i_go_o.html.When the news hits, Sargento stock is sure to crash straight into the toilet. You can...
# At July 6, 2006 8:22 PM | Tags: Hillary Clinton hot stock picks humor hunger strike mozzarella cheese Rick Moran Sargento's satire spam Wide Awakes Radio - The "M" Word
Bill: Welcome back. For those of you who are just joining us, the story of the week is the first word to make it onto the Forbidden Terms list. The Forbidden Terms List is the brainchild of Senator Dick Durbin...
# At May 15, 2006 9:58 PM - Amazing New Weight-Loss Product
When you see an ad for a new weight-loss supplement, do you wonder whether or not it's just another scam? Wonder no more with Liquid Loss! Liquid Loss contains over one hundred different minerals and compounds, carefully measured to the...
# At April 30, 2006 2:44 PM - Finally, We Have the Democrat Plan for America
Today on his show Rush Limbaugh announced that the Democratic National Committee has finally unveiled its plan for winning the 2006 election. We have a secret copy of this 2006 Election Plan that Bruce stole from a local DNC office...
# At March 22, 2006 12:46 AM - Hey Ferdy, Check Out This Great Stock Deal!
A few days from now, Dubai Corp. will be pulling out all the stops on a massive publicity campaign celebrating their purchase of six major American ports. You've read the newspapers: you know America is one of the hottest markets...
# At February 23, 2006 1:37 AM - Here's How to Solve That Embarassing Problem
Bruce spent much of yesterday listening to a local music radio station, and I noticed there were a lot of commercials for a serious problem that must be affecting a whole lot of men out there. Unfortunately, the commercials appear...
# At February 17, 2006 1:29 AM - Cheney Invites Dean on Hunting Trip
Earlier today, Republican activist Harry Whittington was injured while on a hunting trip with Vice President Dick Cheney; however, in a gesture clearly designed to make peace with a vocal opponent, Cheney has invited DNC chairman Howard Dean to take...
# At February 12, 2006 5:57 PM - The Democrat Message
Bill: What are we even doing here, nobody watches the news now that the blogs have taken over. I didn't have to... What, we're on? And welcome to the news on today, Friday the Thirteenth of January, 2006, and the...
# At November 13, 2005 8:23 PM - CNN Seeks Conversion to Octal
CNN News Director Kim Bondy today announced a new initiative by CNN and several other mainstream news organizations to convert the number system from decimal to octal. "Today most information is stored digitally, and octal is much more useful in...
# At October 26, 2005 9:58 PM - Celestial Influences and Saddam
Author's notes: I'm done typing this entry to the best of my ability. I'm trying to communicate that God would like to fly forth with a scathing damnation of Saddam, but can't because he's supposed to be the good guy. Also, I wanted Death to have one last line at the end, but I couldn't come up with something that would explain Tiffany having an encounter with Death that didn't make her seem utterly dispicable.
# At October 26, 2005 11:19 AM - Important Note About Cindy Sheehan
Due to the lack of elephants, the Cindy Sheehan spectacle has been downgraded from a media circus to a media carnival. Please alter your correspondence accordingly. Respectfully submitted, Ferdinand T. Cat...
# At August 22, 2005 7:00 PM - Spindle Installation
The Army Corps of Engineers announced today that they will be installing a special rotisserie spindle in the grave of Army Spc. Casey Sheehan, son of war protestor Cindy Sheehan, so that he can spin freely without disrupting the local...
# At August 17, 2005 12:15 AM - Excerpts From the Captain's Log of the USS Clinton
The following are unedited passages from the Captain's log of the submarine USS Bill Clinton, an experimental vessel commissioned in the year 2011 in honor of the 42nd President.
# At March 3, 2005 9:03 PM - Blogger Outcry Topples Instapundit
Famed uber-blogger Glenn Reynolds today announced that he is resigning from public life and will no longer blog. Reynolds, the helmsman of the popular blog Instapundit as well as a law professor at University of Tennessee, has been the center...
# At March 2, 2005 2:26 AM - Letter From a Scam Artist
Hello. My name is Lorelei Hotpants and I'm the widow of a highly-placed Nigerian government official who recently died in an accident involving a camel and a 100-liter barrel of cottage cheese. My husband has over two million dollars in...
# At February 27, 2005 4:33 PM - Michael Moore Takes on the Greeks
Miramax films, in cooperation with Dog Eat Dog Productions, presents controversial filmmaker Michael Moore's latest and greatest documentary:...
# At January 31, 2005 2:58 AM | Tags: Achilles horse humor Iliad Mary Mapes Michael Moore Odyssey Trojan War - A Future 51% of the Voters Want to Avoid
Ben:...and Duck Pie. In other news the state of Massachussetts broke a matrimonial record today. Here's F-I-L-L with the facts. Phil: It's spelled P-H-I-L, and it was only a small rip in the sheet metal in the car door, let...
# At January 2, 2005 8:03 PM | Tags: conservative family goofy homosexuality humor incest marriage satire weird - Toward a New Reality in Education
Phil:...which brought in the nineteenth Championship Title for the Cubs. Now we go live to Schaumburg where my wife Sasha has a story about a new educational program. Sasha? Sonja: {icy glare} Phil: I'm in trouble, aren't I? Sonja: Don't...
# At December 15, 2004 10:20 PM | Tags: Al Gore conservative education George W Bush political correctness satire - From the Headlines of the Aftermath
Frank:...with a large tomato. In other news tonight, a non-war topic has seized the headlines of every major newspaper in the country. We go to Sam, on site with the facts. Are you there Sam? Simons: Simons. Frank: Sorry. Simons:...
# At December 6, 2004 7:49 PM | Tags: conservative Democrats humor journalism Nancy Pelosi satire - Dan Rather to Step Down from Carnival Job
# At December 3, 2004 12:46 PM | Tags: conservative Dan Rather humor journalism Karl Rove satire Walter Cronkite - Salvaged from the Sports Archives
Transcript of a radio broadcast dated November 3, 2004 Anchor:....and that concludes the Weather report. Turning to sports, one of the local Texas college sports teams recently competed in the state finals. We turn to Bill, who is live on...
# At November 18, 2004 10:08 PM | Tags: conservative humor political correctness satire - Hallotics
TRANSCRIPT OF RADIO NEWS BROADCAST ANNOUNCER: Good Evening ladies and gentlemen. Today is November first, time for both the Presidential Election and for Halloween. My camera crew and I are currently staked out near the entrance to the voting area....
# At November 13, 2004 2:52 PM | Tags: conservative Halloween humor John Kerry satire - Soros, Moore Decry Unfair Bush Win
At a special press conference this afternoon, George Soros and Michael Moore called on sweeping legislation to change the way elections are conducted. "We spent millions of dollars to defeat Bush and he still won," said Soros. "If you can't...
# At November 12, 2004 12:30 AM | Tags: conservative Dan Rather George Soros liberals Michael Moore politics satire - The Presidential Boxing match.
Good evening. Tonight the candidates for the Presidential race will again be competing for the hearts and minds of the American population. However, instead of debating the issues, today they have agreed to fight for their ratings in the squared...
# At October 31, 2004 6:49 PM | Tags: conservative George W Bush humor John Kerry satire
