The Cat's Meow
246 entries
- 03/23/09: Robin Hood
That our culture suffers under a double standard should be clear from the fact that we have yet to celebrate a legendary hero who steals from the poor and gives to the rich.
# At March 23, 2009 10:32 PM | Tags: culture economics ethics heroism hypocrisy morality myths philosophy Robin Hood - 03/19/09: Spending
If you give money to stupid people, they are going to spend it stupidly.
# At March 19, 2009 1:09 PM | Tags: bailouts Barack Obama conservative Democrats liberals politics regulations - 03/11/09: Deeds
Conservatives judge people by what they do; liberals judge people by what they don't do. So, to a conservative, theft is a moral lapse by the thief, but to a liberal, it's a consequence of insufficient generosity by the victim.
# At March 11, 2009 11:57 PM | Tags: conservative ethics liberals morality philosophy - 03/09/09: Specifics
In general, it is much easier to sell the idea of change than it is to sell a particular change. This is not a good thing.
# At March 9, 2009 3:10 PM | Tags: Barack Obama change conservative economics health care philosophy psychology Rush Limbaugh socialism - 03/06/09: Cliff Notes
If a man steps off a cliff, demanding that everybody else jump after him to try and slow his fall is stupid. Calling this demand economic stimulus is Illinois stupid.
# At March 6, 2009 3:51 PM | Tags: conservative economics government humor Illinois metaphors philosophy stimulus stupidity - 03/05/09: Bailouts
Two wolves and a sheep are voting on what to have for dinner. Conservatism is the belief that the sheep should not be on the menu. Liberalism is the belief that it's okay to eat part of the sheep if the wolves are really, really hungry.
# At March 5, 2009 2:16 PM | Tags: conservative democracy humor marxism metaphors philosophy predators satire - 03/04/09: Policy
One hypothesis as to why it is that Democrats like to raise taxes is that they have a flexible attitude toward paying them.
# At March 4, 2009 10:16 PM | Tags: conservative Democrats Hilda Solis humor Nancy Killefer Ron Kirk taxes Timothy Geithner Tom Daschle - 02/06/09: Cloaking Devices
Liberalism is the art of cloaking a bad idea in good intentions.
# At February 6, 2009 11:59 PM | Tags: conservative economics humor liberals philosophy satire stimulus - 12/17/08: Metaphors
Modern liberalism is about throwing out the baby and re-using the bathwater.
# At December 17, 2008 4:28 PM | Tags: abortion conservative environmentalism folk sayings humor metaphors satire - 12/09/2008: Fear Itself
The only thing we really have to fear is that the people running the government think the New Deal worked.
# At December 9, 2008 3:26 PM | Tags: conservative Democrats economics emotions fear liberals philosophy politics The Great Depression - 08/28/03: Patriotism
Liberals lost the sheen of patriotism when their message changed from America needs to be better to America is terrible.
# At August 28, 2008 3:28 PM | Tags: change conservative liberals patriotism politics - 07/15/08: Doing and Feeling
To a conservative, right and wrong are determined by what you do. To a liberal, they're determined by how you feel.
# At July 15, 2008 5:34 PM | Tags: Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative emotions ethics liberals morality philosophy - 07/03/08: Deadliness
A car is the deadliest weapon known to man. Before you get into a car with someone, consider that it would be slightly safer to hand him a loaded gun and then go someplace private.
# At July 3, 2008 2:34 PM | Tags: cars conservative guns philosophy safety - 06/11/08: Fever
The greatest danger we face from the Climate Change movement is not that they are mistaken about the existence of Global Warming, but that they are mistaken in believing we can stop it.
# At June 11, 2008 2:43 AM | Tags: carbon conservative energy environmentalism fossil fuels Global Warming ice ages ice epochs ice eras liberals Maunder Minimum nuclear power oil philosophy polar ice caps renewable - 05/23/08: Projectors
It is a common human trait to project onto others the kind of thoughts you harbor in your own mind. As a result, liberals think conservatives are bitter, and conservatives think liberals know what they're doing.
# At May 23, 2008 5:23 PM | Tags: conservatives emotions humor liberals psychology satire - 05/12/08: The Village
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but it takes government intervention to turn it into a super-highway.
# At May 12, 2008 10:25 PM | Tags: conservative good intentions government humor parody philosophy - 04/09/08: Improbability
It's dangerous to conclude that something couldn't have happened simply because it is unlikely. If 5,000 people participate in a raffle, the chance of any one person winning are less than one-tenth of one percent, but one of them is still going to win.
# At May 9, 2008 1:50 PM | Tags: chance chaos theory coincidence mathematics paranoia philosophy probability statistics - 05/08/08: Standards
The most effective way to prevent something from ever happening is to insist that it be done correctly.
# At May 8, 2008 8:55 PM | Tags: bureaucracy humor philosophy satire - 05/06/2008: Portents
The Democratic Party's rules for nominating a President are controversial, confusing, and biased toward the powerful. Consider that, and then try to imagine what would happen if these same people designed your health care system.
# At May 6, 2008 9:04 PM | Tags: campaign 2008 conservative Democrats humor liberals philosophy socialized medicine - 04/22/08: Comparisons
- 03/30/08: Brains
The human brain is a complex and unpredictable thing. For example, when Nate was a toddler, Bruce worked very hard to protect him from violent toys and images. As a result, Nate grew up thinking there was not enough violence in the world.
# At March 30, 2008 10:54 PM | Tags: family fatherhood humor philosophy psychology violence - 03/28/08: Scams
It's hard to imagine a sweeter racket than the government lottery. People place their after-tax income into a pool from which the government removes one-half. Then, a few lucky winners get the remaining funds, at which point one-third is immediately taxed away by the government.
# At March 28, 2008 4:37 PM | Tags: humor lottery mathematics scam taxes - 03/27/08: Hands On
The essence of conservatism is skepticism. The essence of liberalism is control.
# At March 27, 2008 12:17 PM | Tags: Barack Obama campaign 2008 conservative economics liberals philosophy - 02/25/08: Press Bumps
People who value betrayal over loyalty cannot be counted upon to stick by you when the going gets rough.
# At February 25, 2008 5:13 PM | Tags: campaign 2008 campaign finance reform conservative Democrats elections John McCain New York Times philosophy Republicans scandals - 02/24/08: Kate Beckinsale
The most important thing about a female is not her looks or her brains, but whether or not she can beat the crap out of somebody.
# At February 24, 2008 2:40 PM | Tags: cats Chicago Force conservative family feminism humor Kate Beckinsale love mating movies satire Tammy Bruce Underworld Underworld Evolution Whiteout WInged Creatures - 02/09/08: Signs
What seems reasonable in the context of common sense can be unreasonable in the context of local law enforcement.
# At February 9, 2008 1:06 PM | Tags: Charles Lee Thornton conservative economics Kirkwood Missouri local politics parking philosophy regulations - 01/28/08: Power
Liberalism is about acquiring power. Conservatism is about applying principles.
# At January 28, 2008 10:13 PM | Tags: campaign 2008 conservative John McCain Mitt Romney philosophy - 01/27/08: Heroism
It is not courage that makes for heroism. Anybody can fool themselves into being brave. Rather, a hero is one who doesn't give up when the odds are against him. This is why so many politicians have to invent powerful special interests that oppose them: they want to look heroic.
# At January 27, 2008 3:30 PM | Tags: courage heroism myths philosophy politics - 01/26/08: Nuance
On a case-by-case basis, liberal foreign policy seems complicated and unpredictable, but the big picture is simple: we're supposed to be nice to our enemies and threaten our friends.
# At January 26, 2008 10:41 AM | Tags: conservative foreign policy Iraq liberals philosophy - 01/23/08: Stubborn Syndrome
Being conservative is not about being popular.
# At January 23, 2008 11:04 AM | Tags: campaign 2008 campaign finance reform conservative David Brooks free speech John McCain liberals Michael Medved philosophy populism Rush Limbaugh - 01/08/08: Memetics
Killing a man does not destroy an idea.
# At January 8, 2008 10:21 AM | Tags: anti-semitism communism conservative fascism John McCain liberals memetics Osama bin Laden philosophy terrorists - 10/22/07: Picture Plagues
No matter who you are or what people have promised you, even in writing, do not let someone take a picture of you unless you're willing to see it reproduced all over the Internet.
# At October 22, 2007 5:46 PM | Tags: conservative Dr. Laura philosophy photos relationships Vanessa Hudgens Vanessa Williams - 09/30/07: Canvassing
There are no stupid questions, just stupid opinion polls.
# At September 30, 2007 3:37 PM | Tags: conservative humor journalism parody politics polling - 09/29/07: Musicals
It is a really bad idea to make a guy with four daughters watch the kidnapping scene in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
# At September 29, 2007 8:11 PM | Tags: conservative family fatherhood humor musicals - 09/14/07: Realities
All you need to know about the difference between video games and reality is that in the grandaddy of all strategy games-- Civilization-- converting to communism eliminates political corruption.
# At September 14, 2007 10:43 AM | Tags: Civilization communism conservative liberals parody politics video games - 09/08/07: The Progressive Dilemma
Given that socialism is the complete surrender of economic liberty in exchange for financial security, it might be a good idea for liberals to stop quoting Ben Franklin.
# At September 8, 2007 3:08 AM | Tags: Ben Franklin conservative humor liberty philosophy security socialism - 08/14/07: United Nations
Terrorism is the inevitable result of a belief that might does not make right.
# At August 14, 2007 11:56 PM | Tags: conservative ideology Israel Palestinians philosophy terrorism war and peace - 08/11/07: Message Triage
- 07/20/07: Taking Out the Garbage
A responsibility shared by all is performed by no one.
# At July 20, 2007 1:23 PM | Tags: family philosophy shared responsiblity - 07/18/07: Morale
It is said that in war, morale is to material as three is to one; however, it takes an awful lot of men with really huge morale to cancel out a B-2 Stealth Bomber.
# At July 18, 2007 6:11 PM | Tags: B-2 Spirit humor morale philosophy technology war and peace - 07/17/2007: Diplomacy
Not all governments are sane.
# At July 17, 2007 8:39 PM | Tags: China conservative diplomacy exports Iran Iraq Mahmoud Ahmadinejad pet food philosophy UN - 07/12/07: Adam Smith
The earth-shattering import of The Wealth of Nations was not its theory of economics, but instead the principle that a nation benefits from the freedom and self-interest of its citizens. When you oppose capitalism, you are opposing the right of people to make their own choices.
# At July 12, 2007 6:08 AM | Tags: Adam Smith capitalism conservative economics liberty philosophy - 07/09/08: Live Earth
The great thing about environmentalism is that it gives people with multi-million-dollar homes and private jets the right to tell the rest of us to tighten our belts.
# At July 9, 2007 11:27 PM | Tags: Al Gore conservative environmentalism Global Warming humor Live Earth philosophy - 07/08/07: Beware of Dads Who Are Always Smiling
The way fathers dote on their daughters is universal. The relationship with the potential son-in-law, however, depends entirely on whether or not the father owns a gun.
# At July 8, 2007 8:49 PM | Tags: conservative family fatherhood guns humor love philosophy - 06/28/07: Cloture
We have reached the point where the most important characteristic of a bill moving through the Senate is to whether or not you can get 60 members to agree to stop talking about it.
# At June 28, 2007 7:33 AM | Tags: cloture conservative filibuster philosophy Senate - 06/26/07: Hope
Wishful thinking is a powerful force. For example, it never occurred to the people who wanted Elvis Presley to live just a little longer that if he really had faked his death, a heart attack on the toilet would be a very unlikely choice.
# At June 26, 2007 1:19 AM | Tags: conspiracies death Elvis Presley hope life - 05/25/07: Gold
Money is the root of all liberty: it allows each citizen to balance his own desires against the needs of society. Once you remove money from the equation, the only way to accomplish social needs is with the use of force.
# At May 25, 2007 6:20 AM | Tags: commerce conservative force freedom liberty philosophy - 05/22/07: The Immigration Fiasco
It is a bad thing that Congress is consistently able to get bipartisan support for bills that the voters adamantly oppose.
# At May 22, 2007 5:31 AM | Tags: bipartisanship conservative Democrats immigration philosophy politics Republicans - 04/30/07: Science in the News
The accuracy of a science-related article in the news is inversely proportional to the confidence expressed by the researchers.
# At April 30, 2007 8:43 PM | Tags: bees Colony Collapse Disorder conservative humor journalism lesbianism news obesity philosophy science The Girl - 04/25/07: Alignment
Being anti-American allows you to get away with murder.
# At April 25, 2007 1:46 AM | Tags: CNN conservative Hugo Chavez Iran Iraq journalism liberals Nouri al-Maliki philosophy terrorism - 04/18/07: Crime
There is only one reason that people commit horrible crimes: free will. The problem is, everybody wants to prevent crime, but there is no way to prevent free will. You can bribe it and you can threaten it, but you can't stop it.
# At April 18, 2007 5:23 PM | Tags: conservative crime philosophy Virginia Tech - 04/16/07: Swearing
The common colloquial phrase Excuse my French is not an acceptable apology for swearing. There is no excuse for the French.
# At April 16, 2007 1:40 AM | Tags: culture humor philosophy profanity - 04/13/07: Unnatural Selection
In any sufficiently oppressive regime-- e.g. Cuba, Iran, marriage to Hillary Clinton-- lying is a survival trait.
# At April 13, 2007 12:17 AM | Tags: conservative Cuba Hillary Clinton humor Iran philosophy satire - 04/12/07: Counter Culture
If you want to make a career of ridiculing modern western culture, eventually you're going to have to make fun of liberals.
# At April 12, 2007 12:27 AM | Tags: conservative Democrats Discworld Hollywood humor liberals Peg-Eye Nate political correctness South Park Terry Pratchett - 04/11/07: Outrage Politics
Cynicism is not a substitute for evidence.
# At April 11, 2007 7:15 AM | Tags: conservative corruption cynicism Democrats Dianne Feinstein double standards journalism logic politics Republicans Tom DeLay tribalism - 04/10/07: Fear
The two scariest things in the world are death and eternal life, though not necessarily in that order.
# At April 10, 2007 1:38 AM | Tags: death life philosophy - 04/06/07: Powerful Women
It is redundant to put the word free in the phrase Most powerful woman in the free world. The un-free world doesn't allow powerful women.
# At April 6, 2007 1:21 AM | Tags: conservative feminism freedom philosophy politics women - 04/05/07: Marxism
The problem with Marxism is that it assumes the great struggle is between Big Labor and Big Business, which means the poor Little Consumer tends to get trampled by the synthesis of the two.
# At April 5, 2007 12:43 AM | Tags: conservative labor marxism philosophy socialism - 04/04/07: The Grand Design
It is tempting to think of Western Civilization as an adult playground, but in fact it was designed for children and adults are just a support mechanism. For example, the speed limit on a four-lane suburban highway is 30mph, and it's not because they're afraid an adult will run into the street while chasing a ball.
# At April 4, 2007 1:01 AM | Tags: conservative culture humor philosophy - 04/03/07: Choices
There are two kinds of choices. One is to choose to do or not to do. The second is to choose to do it one way or another way. Socialism is the belief that the first kind of choice is the only one that matters.
# At April 3, 2007 1:03 AM | Tags: capitalism choice conservative philosophy socialism - 04/02/07: Dissembling
When you tell the truth but not the whole truth, it's called dissembling. When the truth you tell makes the whole truth sound false, it's called misdirection. It's important to remember that either technique is a violation of the pledge you make when you testify in court.
# At April 2, 2007 12:56 AM | Tags: Bill Clinton dissembling lying perjury truth whole truth - 03/30/07: Broth
If too many cooks spoil the broth, then Congress is the culinary equivalent of rat poison.
# At March 30, 2007 1:00 AM | Tags: Congress conservative philosophy - 03/29/07: Happiness
There are two routes to happiness. You can be strong enough to change the things you don't like, or you can be even stronger, and admit that they don't really matter. What you can't do is decide that you're a victim.
# At March 29, 2007 1:48 AM | Tags: conservative happiness philosophy strength victimhood - 03/28/07: Omega-Inconsistent
In mathematics, there is a concept called omega inconsistency, where you prove that there must be some whole number i with a given property, but when you pick any individual number, you can prove it isn't i. There is a similar concept in politics. For example, you can state that you support the troops even though you don't like soldiers, or that you love America even though you really hate Americans.
# At March 28, 2007 12:10 PM | Tags: conservative inconsistency Kurt Godel liberals mathematics philosophy whole numbers - 03/27/07: Law
The difference between freedom and slavery is the difference between the rule of law and the rule of men. The purpose of free elections is to give the people the ability to correct a government that forgets that difference.
# At March 27, 2007 1:42 AM | Tags: conservative democracy freedom law philosophy slavery - 03/21/07: Dignity
The liberal desire that you live with dignity is very dangerous to your individual liberties.
# At March 21, 2007 2:42 AM | Tags: abortion animal rights conservative dignity euthanasia Knut the bear Cub liberals philosophy rights Terri Schiavo - 03/19/07: Pulp Truth
In the real world, superheroes are too dangerous to be allowed to live.
# At March 19, 2007 3:57 AM | Tags: comic books conservative Iraq liberals movies super heroes Superman terrorism Thor - 03/15/07: Patriotism
Despite what many politicians will tell you, there is nothing unpatriotic about wanting the United States to win a war.
# At March 15, 2007 9:29 PM | Tags: conservative Democrats humor Iraq patriotism philosophy satire War and Peace - 03/14/07: Comprehension
A bad idea does not become a good idea simply because you offer it as part of a comprehensive package.
# At March 14, 2007 8:55 AM | Tags: 1996 Al Gore campaign finance reform Congress George W Bush immigration reform tax cuts taxes - 03/13/07: Deductions and Taxes
- 03/12/07: The Test of Time
No matter what happens in our modern world, one thing is certain: the issue-oriented movies and TV shows of today will look just as silly in the 2020s as the 1980s films of a similar ilk look right now.
# At March 12, 2007 2:54 AM | Tags: conservative environmentalism Hollywood nuclear proliferation philosophy Ronald Reagan - 03/09/07: Morality and War
To a conservative, a foreign war is just if it benefits the people of the foreign country. To a liberal, a foreign war is just only if it does not benefit the United States.
# At March 9, 2007 11:59 PM | Tags: Bill Clinton Iraq Kosovo liberals philosophy War and Peace War on Terror - 03/08/07: World Opinion
If a poll of 27 different countries concludes that the United States should jump in a lake, that doesn't mean it's a good idea.
# At March 8, 2007 1:13 AM | Tags: anti-semitism Charles Lindbergh conservative Democrats Iraq philosophy polling world opinion - 03/06/07: The Scooter Libby Lament
- Never trust a Democrat.
- Never trust a journalist.
- Rule (2) is redundant.
# At March 6, 2007 4:56 PM | Tags: Democrats Joe Wilson journalism liberals nuclear proliferation Scooter Libby Valerie Plame - 03/01/07: Inconvenient Truths
Movies recognize four standards of truth.
- An inspired by a true story movie is based on a statement the movie-makers believe to be true, but has no other relationship to real events.
- A based on a true story movie tells the story of real people, but the events portrayed are not necessarily true.
- A docudrama is based on real people and events, but some changes are made for the sake of dramatic impact and time constraints.
- A documentary is based on a statement the movie-makers believe to be true, but has no other relationship to real events.
# At March 1, 2007 5:10 PM | Tags: documentaries Hollywood humor movies truth - 02/27/07: Humor
There are two types of humor-- liberal humor, which is about how silly they are, and conservative humor, which is about how silly we are. What matters is not the politics of the joke, but the underlying assumption of the conservative movement that we are all fallible.
# At February 27, 2007 6:04 PM | Tags: Ann Coulter conservative humor liberals philosophy - 02/22/07: Instant Messaging
When conversing online with your teenage girlfriend, keep in mind that her entire family could be watching, and in all probability she is also connected to two school chums who are giving her advice in real time.
# At February 22, 2007 6:32 PM | Tags: culture family humor instant messaging philosophy - 02/21/07: Rights
To a conservative, a right defines something you can do. To a liberal, a right defines something you can expect. The problem is that a liberal right is always purchased by depriving others of conservative rights.
# At February 21, 2007 6:10 AM | Tags: conservative Franklin D. Roosevelt freedom liberals libertarians liberty - 01/23/07: Choices
There is always a military solution.
# At January 23, 2007 2:59 AM | Tags: Army conservative Iraq military New York Times politics Saddam Hussein violence War and Peace - 01/19/07: Wrong Reason
- 01/18/07: Protein
- 01/12/07: Political Arguments
What makes news about about a statement is its political incorrectness, but what really matters is whether it's an emotional argument or an intellectual one.
# At January 12, 2007 3:53 PM | Tags: Bill Clinton conservative George W Bush Iraq journalism political correctness politics skepticism WMDs - 11/22/06: Theories
By an incredible coincidence, every conspiracy theory is based on the belief that there is no such thing as a coincidence.
# At November 22, 2006 5:33 PM | Tags: conspiracy humor paranoia - 11/21/06: Makings
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When life hands you journalists, make tracks.
# At November 21, 2006 9:44 PM | Tags: Borat conservative humor journalism lawyers philosophy - 10/20/2006: Local Inference
When you look at the quarterly profits of the New York Times, it's not surprising that they think this is a bad economy.
# At October 20, 2006 1:23 PM | Tags: conservative economics humor New York Times - 09/02/06: The Best Offense
There is nothing quite so offensive as somebody desperately trying not to offend you.
# At September 2, 2006 7:42 AM | Tags: conservative philosophy politeness political correctness - 09/01/06: Western Culture
The ultimate goal of multiculturalism is to pretend that everybody is the same while celebrating their differences.
# At September 1, 2006 4:29 PM | Tags: conservative diversity humor multiculturalism philosophy - 08/18/06: Regime Change
- War is the application of military force to effect a change in the dominion of a piece of land.
- Diplomacy is the application of economic give and take to effect a change in the dominion of a piece of land.
- Terrorism is the art of hurting people so badly that they give you a piece of land without all the messy economic and military stuff.
# At August 18, 2006 6:00 PM | Tags: diplomacy humor philosophy terrorism War and Peace - 07/27/06: Biologist's Lament
I find it hard to believe that the mammalian brain came about by accident, and even harder to believe that DNA was done on purpose.
# At July 21, 2006 2:05 PM | Tags: evolution microbiology phishing - 06/24/06: Challenges
Modern conservatism is being challenged by two different groups-- radical progressives, who want to drag us back into the Twentieth Century, and radical Muslims, who want to drag us back to the Twelfth.
# At June 24, 2006 8:42 AM | Tags: conservative Islam liberals - 06/15/06: Squeaking
It is true that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but a wheel that squeaks too much is going to get replaced.
# At June 15, 2006 4:57 AM | Tags: humor philosophy - 10/05/05: Trust But Verify
When you see information on the Internet, the first thing you should ask yourself is whether or not the information comes from an accredited journalist. If it doesn't, then it may be distorted or fabricated. If it does, then it may be distorted or fabricated.
# At October 5, 2005 2:03 AM - 09/25/05: Size Matters
The airplane made the world smaller, because you could get from New England to Australia in less than a day. The blog makes the world bigger, because it teaches you to care about people you've never met.
# At September 25, 2005 3:32 AM - 08/26/05: Games
It's not whether you win or lose, and it's not really how you play the game, either: the point is just to have a good time.
# At August 26, 2005 11:30 PM - 08/25/05: Funding
In science, you collect facts and use them to determine the truth. In politics, you decide the truth and try to find facts that prove it. This means it was probably a mistake to put politicians in charge of science.
# At August 25, 2005 4:23 PM - 08/18/05: Nominations
If the job of a Supreme Court judge were to merely interpret the law rather than make it, then it really wouldn't matter whether new judges were liberals or conservatives.
# At August 19, 2005 12:05 AM - 08/17/05: Platforms
- 08/16/05: News
The difference between news and science is simple: something is considered scientifically true if it has been verified by reproducible experiments or statistics. All it takes to be news is a PR release and a web site.
# At August 16, 2005 1:46 AM - 08/09/05: Grief
It is completely inappropriate to expect rational behavior from someone who's lost a child.
# At August 9, 2005 12:41 AM - 08/08/05: Molecular Biology
Nowadays, computer software is not created: it evolves from older software. As a result, it bears a strong resemblance to DNA: there are sections which are obsolete, sections which are never used, and sections which make you feel like it's a miracle the stupid thing ever worked at all.
# At August 8, 2005 12:10 PM - 08/05/05: Fanatacism
The fact that it's possible to abuse religion does not mean it is without value. You don't see anybody arguing that we should give up sex simply because it makes people do stupid things.
# At August 5, 2005 1:32 AM - 08/03/05: Adulthood Rites
There is nothing soft or decadent about American civilization. The U.S. Federal Tax Code and the accompanying regulations span over 45,000 pages. When you submit your tax documents, you are wagering your full and complete understanding of those regulations against jail time and possible bankruptcy. Compared to that, going out and killing a bear to prove your manhood is a cakewalk.
# At August 3, 2005 3:06 AM - 08/01/05: Words
If the pen is mightier than the sword, then words are at least two orders of magnitude more dangerous than sticks and stones.
# At August 1, 2005 2:05 AM - 07/27/05: Open Minds
There is no special virtue to being open-minded. Communism remained popular for much of the Twentieth Century because people's minds were so open that their brains fell out.
# At July 27, 2005 10:21 PM - 07/25/05: Tolerance
Conservatives object to behaviors-- promiscuity, homosexuality, taxation-- while liberals object to ideas-- racism, sexism, Christianity. So, to a conservative tolerance means allowing people to behave strangely, while to a liberal it means never telling anybody they're wrong.
# At July 25, 2005 2:53 AM - 07/19/05: Your Education Dollars at Work
There is something very wrong with a society in which the dumbest ideas are coming from the education establishment.
# At July 19, 2005 12:53 AM - 07/18/05: Objectivity
Truth may be objective, but the interpretation of fact is anything but. To a conservative, the failure of a government program is proof that it was a bad idea. To a liberal, it's proof the government needs to hire more liberals.
# At July 18, 2005 12:09 AM - 07/12/05: Law and Custom
Modern welfare state liberalism has two goals: first, to insure that if you fall on hard times, you'll be taken care of even if you've managed to alienate your church, your friends, and your family; second, that if you haven't fallen on hard times, somebody else's lawyer can put you there.
# At July 12, 2005 3:44 AM - 07/07/05: Talk
A dollar of food will do more to alleviate hunger than a thousand dollars of talk.
# At July 7, 2005 4:12 AM - 07/06/05: Changes
When you make a change, the thing you will miss the most is the one you took so thoroughly for granted you didn't even think to ask about it.
# At July 6, 2005 2:33 AM - 06/28/05: Mind Games
It says something profound about the right and the left that conservatives consider it a badge of honor to be called "wingnuts", while liberals don't even like to be called "liberal".
# At June 28, 2005 1:21 AM - 06/22/05: Science News
- 06/16/05: Surprise
Surprise is a very important part of humor. It has to make you look at things in an entirely new way. This is why liberals have so much trouble doing political humor: it's not surprising to learn that they hate us.
# At June 16, 2005 1:43 AM - 06/09/05: Baby Steps
To say that something is a small change does not guarantee that it is safe. If you are standing near the edge of a cliff, it makes no difference that the maneuver which sent you over the edge was a baby step.
# At June 9, 2005 3:34 AM - 06/08/05: Drugs
There is a very important legal difference between medical drugs and recreational drugs. If a drug is medical, lawyers sue to get it banned. If a drug is recreational, lawyers sue to get it made legal for medicinal purposes.
# At June 8, 2005 3:42 AM - 06/06/05: Irony
In a strange, twisted sort of way, it says something very positive about modern America that we have to worry about rising obesity rates among the nation's poor.
# At June 6, 2005 3:26 AM - 06/03/05: Arachnophobia
The vast majority of web-building spiders are not only harmless to humans, but downright beneficial. The reason they are portrayed as evil in the popular culture is that humans think the way they hunt insects is unsporting. This happens because nature has absolutely nothing comparable to the human concept of fairness.
# At June 3, 2005 2:25 AM - 06/01/05: Murphy's Corollary
Anything that can go wrong, will. In addition, anything that can go right, will. The problem is, it's only the wrong ones that get noticed.
# At June 1, 2005 12:11 AM - 05/31/05: European Union
Every day, people accept the ratification of complicated laws they can't understand. It is a very different thing, however, to accept the ratification of a complicated constitution they can't understand.
# At May 31, 2005 12:33 AM - 05/30/05: Memorial Day
It's important to realize that without the efforts of the American and British military to take on and defeat the real fascists of this world, the progressives would not have the freedom or the leisure to complain about the imaginary ones.
# At May 30, 2005 12:46 AM - 05/28/05: Jesus
It's easy to prove that Jesus was not a liberal. An all-wise, all-knowing demigod could not possibly imagine that John Kerry would have made a good President.
# At May 28, 2005 1:50 PM - 05/26/05: Courage
It does not take all that much courage to set yourself up to be a media hero.
# At May 26, 2005 12:12 AM - 05/24/05: Wind
It is said that a good wind is one that blows no ill. Unfortunately, everything has a combination of good and ill effects. This is why it's completely insane to trust somebody who tells you there's no cost or obligation.
# At May 24, 2005 1:25 AM - 05/23/05: Emotions
It's important to remember that emotions don't always make sense. For example, when you make a big mistake, you feel threatened, so the fight-or-flight reflex kicks in, making you angry at everybody else. Many Democrats are still angry with George W. Bush for letting them nominate Kerry in 2004.
# At May 23, 2005 12:18 AM - 05/18/05: Creation
We are pretty sure that light is not a wave; however, the Wave Theory of Light is still taught in high school because it is a useful tool for deciphering how light behaves. Similarly, even if life is a product of intelligent design, right now the theory of evolution is the only key we have for deciphering how DNA behaves.
# At May 18, 2005 3:15 AM - 05/16/05: High School
One of the most important life lessons you learn from high school is that sometimes you have to endure a prolonged period of suffering before you get a chance to enjoy yourself. This is why summer vacation is immediately preceded by final exams.
# At May 16, 2005 1:13 AM - 05/13/05: The Blawg Review Incident
If you're going to be a snob, it's critically important to check your facts before you put something in writing.
# At May 13, 2005 12:44 AM - 05/12/05: Planning
There are only two types of contingency plans: those that are too disruptive for the occasional false positive, and those that are too timid for the real thing.
# At May 12, 2005 12:40 AM - 05/11/05: Headlines
Headlines should not be considered as the description of a news item; rather, they are a marketing tool to get you to read the article.
# At May 11, 2005 12:05 AM - 05/10/05: Celebrity
With enough training and experience, a conservative can be just as arrogant as a liberal.
# At May 10, 2005 12:05 AM - 05/05/05: Rulings
The exercise of property rights cannot take place without the rule of law. The problem is that in this country we've replaced the rule of law with the rules of lawyers.
# At May 5, 2005 1:43 AM - 05/03/05: Sibling Rivalry
Mammalian predators learn by imitating their parents and fighting with their siblings. In most cases, this sibling combat is performed with teeth and claws. With humans, it's performed with words. This is a problem, because despite what you have heard to the contrary, words hurt a hell of a lot more than teeth and claws. Just ask any sibling.
# At May 3, 2005 2:56 AM - 05/02/05: Bread
- 04/29/05: Statistical Analysis
- 04/28/05: Bias
It's not a good idea to trust someone who tells you he's un-biased. After all, he's already lied to you at least once.
# At April 28, 2005 1:09 AM - 04/27/05: Obfuscation
The great paradox of the English language is its ability to convey less information through the use of bigger words.
# At April 27, 2005 12:22 AM - 04/25/05: Movies
There is no more misleading phrase in the English language than "based on a true story".
# At April 25, 2005 12:30 AM - 04/20/05: Sticks and Stones
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can be considered as a form of in-kind campaign contribution and therefore may be a violation of FEC regulations related to the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Act.
# At April 20, 2005 12:17 AM - 04/19/05: Campaign Finance Reform
At some point, we're going to have to face the fact that it's no longer possible to buy an election.
# At April 19, 2005 12:48 AM - 04/18/05: Importance
There are more important things at stake than whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine.
# At April 18, 2005 12:13 AM - 04/14/05: Hidden Costs
Every safety device carries within it a danger that is frequently ignored.
# At April 14, 2005 1:50 AM - 04/13/05: An Old Quote, Revisited
- 04/12/05: Motives
Almost all modern political analysis is wrong-headed. If someone can't understand your beliefs, it stands to reason they are not qualified to speak about your motives.
# At April 12, 2005 12:03 AM - 04/08/05: Greatness
You can tell how great a man was by the desperation with which both sides of our great political debate try to claim him after his death.
# At April 8, 2005 12:40 AM - 04/06/05: Hate
- 04/05/05: Pure Research
With the possible exception of journalistic ethics, every area of study, no matter how arcane, has the potential of being used in the real world.
# At April 5, 2005 12:06 AM - 04/01/05: Envy
There is nothing more annoying than someone getting rich off of a simple, stupid idea.
# At April 1, 2005 12:33 AM - 03/29/05: Suggestions
- 03/28/05: Judicial Activism
We have reached the point where most law-making is done by judges interpreting the Constitution. This is not because Congress is abdicating its role as the source of legislation. Rather, the Constitution is the only law we have left that it's humanly possible to understand.
# At March 28, 2005 12:22 AM - 03/25/05: Foresight
- 03/24/05: Divine Intervention
While it is true that faith can bring about miracles, it is also true that if you step off the edge of a cliff, no amount of prayer is going to change the way you land.
# At March 24, 2005 12:35 AM - 03/22/05: The Corrupted Backup File
- 03/10/05: Instincts
- 03/09/05: Soft Answers
You can frequently defuse a tense situation by admitting you were wrong and apologizing. This happens so rarely in our society that most people don't know how to react. While they're thinking about it, you can run away and hide.
# At March 9, 2005 12:08 AM - 03/08/05: Ideas
If implemented on a large enough scale, even the most idealistic plan can produce awful results.
# At March 8, 2005 1:10 AM - 03/03/05: Murphy's Law, The Next Generation
If anything can be complained about, it will. In fact, even if it can't be complained about, it still will.
# At March 3, 2005 1:30 AM - 03/02/05: Control
A system of government that only works if the correct people are in charge becomes very dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands. For example, if one political party decides it's a good idea to allow judges to make all the laws, they can't afford to let the other party appoint any judges.
# At March 2, 2005 12:12 AM - 03/01/05: Dictionaries
The dictionary says that liberals want to change the world and conservatives want to stop them; however, you could just as easily say that liberals are gullible and conservatives are cautious.
# At March 1, 2005 12:25 AM - 02/28/05: Stoning
And as they continued to ask [Jesus about stoning the woman], he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."
# At February 28, 2005 12:46 AM - 02/25/05: Three Things to Remember
No battle plan survives contact with the enemy. No business plan survives contact with the marketplace. Catnip smells a hell of a lot better than it tastes. Respectfully submitted,Ferdinand T. Cat...
# At February 25, 2005 12:32 AM - 02/22/05: Public Schools
It does not make sense that the best way to educate a diverse and multi-cultural public is a one-size-fits-all school system.
# At February 22, 2005 12:20 AM | Tags: choice diversity education multiculturalism public schools vouchers - 02/21/05: Values
If you promote the idea that we are a society of diverse individuals with different values, then you really can't complain about the fact that somebody's willing to pay $300 for a copy of Incredible Hulk #181.
# At February 21, 2005 12:20 AM | Tags: diversity old comic books values - 02/18/05: Prejudice
Within every human heart burns the desire to be able to tell the good guys from the bad guys without a scorecard.
# At February 18, 2005 12:33 AM | Tags: philosophy prejudice - 02/17/05: Warnings
When somebody tells you they know the truth and all the experts are wrong, an alarm bell should go off in your head.
# At February 17, 2005 12:29 AM | Tags: experts skepticism truth - 02/16/05: Disclosure
It is essential to keep your spouse fully informed about all your adulterous relationships.
# At February 16, 2005 12:26 AM | Tags: adultery CSI morality television - 02/15/05: Monkeys
Capitalism outperforms socialism because if you have a whole bunch of monkeys on a whole bunch of typewriters, one will type out Shakespeare. The downside is that another one will type out Plan Nine from Outer Space.
# At February 15, 2005 12:39 AM | Tags: capitalism Darwin Awards JATO monkeys socialism typewriters - 02/11/05: Creation
You can't have time without a beginning, and you can't have a beginning without time. In other words, if someone is trying to explain creation, either they should have a blinding headache or they haven't really thought it through.
# At February 11, 2005 12:48 AM | Tags: creation creationism evolution Genesis migranes philosophy - 02/10/05: Opportunity
There is no reason to let the fact you're going to school interfere with getting an education.
# At February 10, 2005 12:25 AM | Tags: education philosophy school - 02/09/05: Changing Minds
There is no way to prove that socialism doesn't work.
# At February 9, 2005 12:16 AM | Tags: Canada capitalism gravity liberals philosophy socialism - 02/08/05: Greatness
No man can be great who is not also humble.
# At February 8, 2005 12:16 AM | Tags: greatness humility humor philosophy - 02/07/05: Swords
Everything is a double-edged sword.
# At February 7, 2005 12:37 AM | Tags: double-edged sword homelessness minimum wage philosophy poverty statistics trade-offs unemployment - 02/04/05: Parents
Talk nice to your parents. A few kind words now means lots of free babysitting when you really need it.
# At February 4, 2005 12:09 AM | Tags: babysitting niceness parents philosophy - 02/03/05: Emily Post
The advantage of practicing politeness is that it gives you a very good chance of saying the correct thing even if you have no idea of what's really going on.
# At February 3, 2005 12:17 AM | Tags: cluelessness courtesy philosophy politeness - 02/02/05: Economics
The Law of Diminishing Marginal Returns means that any sufficiently large political movement, no matter how sensible, is going to attract idiots.
# At February 2, 2005 12:18 AM | Tags: diminishing marginal returns humor idiots philosophy - 01/31/05: Preparedness
Never go anywhere without a book to read.
# At January 31, 2005 12:36 AM | Tags: books magazines philosophy preparedness reading - 01/28/05: Amiability
It is best to avoid employment by people who fear conflict. There is nothing more dangerous than the sort of boss who would rather fire someone than risk offending them.
# At January 28, 2005 12:41 AM | Tags: employment firing offense niceness philosophy - 01/27/05: Haste
It is true that haste makes waste; however, through the proper use of procrastination it is possible to get the same effect even at the most leisurely pace.
# At January 27, 2005 12:40 AM | Tags: haste humor philosophy procrastination waste - 01/26/05: Equivalence
It's important to remember that equivalence works both ways. When you tell someone that a fake gun is just as bad as a real gun, there's a 50% chance they're hearing that a 44-caliber revolver is no more dangerous than a Super Soaker Deluxe.
# At January 26, 2005 12:19 AM | Tags: both ways equality fake guns philosophy real - 01/25/05: Legislation
Any society with expensive lawyers has a problem. The average citizen suffers greatly when he or she has to pay somebody $200 an hour to find out whether doing something simple and obvious is illegal.
# At January 25, 2005 12:25 AM | Tags: humor lawyers legislation philosophy - 01/24/05: The Declaration
The founding document of the United States holds it self-evident that all men are created equal. This means that all humans are equally children of the same God, and all of them, with the possible exception of TV journalists, should be treated with courtesy and respect.
# At January 24, 2005 12:31 AM | Tags: Declaration of Independence dignity equality humor TV journalists - 01/21/05: The Supreme Court
The American citizen's liberty comes not from God, the will of the people, or a covenant with a king. It comes from the limits placed on the power of government by a single document: the Constitution of the United States. It should scare the crap out of everybody that we can't get nine legal scholars to agree on what it means.
# At January 21, 2005 12:13 AM | Tags: Constitution legal scholars liberty - 01/20/05: Prevention
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but it has almost no chance of getting past the Senate.
# At January 20, 2005 12:14 AM | Tags: cure hearings humor ounce philosophy pound prevention Senate - 11/19/05: Life
Life is that which defies entropy. Intelligent life is that which willfully defies entropy. Feline life is that which defies entropy but gets another species to do the heavy lifting.
# At January 19, 2005 12:34 AM | Tags: cats entropy intelligent life philosophy - 01/18/05: Marriage
Marriage must be between a man and a woman because the woman's influence is critical to the sanity of the man. For example, before he got married, President George W. Bush disliked cats.
# At January 18, 2005 12:12 AM | Tags: cats dogs George W Bush humor marriage philosophy - 01/14/05: Cinema
The CIA is not nearly as competent in real life as it is in the movies.
# At January 14, 2005 12:47 AM | Tags: assassination Bourne Castro CIA humor JFK philosophy sneaky Supremacy - 01/13/05: Gray
When people say things aren't always black and white, they don't mean that some things are gray: they mean that they want the white part to be bigger than you think it is.
# At January 13, 2005 12:20 AM | Tags: black and white philosophy - 01/12/05: Charity
It is frequently a bad idea to help people against their will. Most people have a better grasp of their own situation than you do.
# At January 12, 2005 12:27 AM | Tags: buttinskies charity help nosiness permission - 01/10/05: Habits
Liars cannot generally be counted upon to admit the truth.
# At January 10, 2005 12:11 AM | Tags: Columbo habits humor liars lying philosophy police shows Stephen Glass television - 01/07/05: Corruption
When someone asks for help, most decent people want to oblige. In general, society benefits from such behavior. The one exception is when the person being asked has the authority to put the force of law and billions of dollars of other people's money behind the effort.
# At January 7, 2005 12:57 AM | Tags: corruption decency help politics - 01/06/05: Compassion
It is very easy to be generous with other people's money.
# At January 6, 2005 12:13 AM | Tags: Christianity compassion generosity Jesus Matthew 25 money philosophy socialism - 01/05/05: Biting
Sometimes when a dog bites a man, it is news.
# At January 5, 2005 12:39 AM | Tags: Dutch intelligence Islam moderates Muslim Netherlands philosophy radicals report - 01/04/05: Stereotypes
Not all cats are liberals.
# At January 4, 2005 12:27 AM | Tags: cats conservative dogs gun control humor liberals pacifism philosophy vegan vegetarians - 01/03/05: Intelligence
The defining assumption of liberalism is that liberals are much smarter than the average person. Many people become liberals because they are actually much smarter than the average person. The problem is that nobody is smart enough.
# At January 3, 2005 12:24 AM | Tags: arrogance conservative housing idiots liberals poor - 12/31/04: Denominations
- 12/30/04: Romance
Romeo and Juliet were idiots.
# At December 30, 2004 12:36 AM | Tags: hormones humor Jane Austin Juliet luck romance Romeo satire Shakespeare - 12/29/04: Nature
- 12/28/04: Stupidity
Sometimes a stupid mistake is just a stupid mistake.
# At December 28, 2004 12:21 AM | Tags: cats Donald Rumsfeld liberals paranoia philosophy - 12/27/04: Dating
- 12/24/04: Consequences
Everything has unintended consequences.
# At December 24, 2004 12:50 AM | Tags: cats Christmas conservative humor liberals The Girl The Interloper The Other Cat - 12/23/04: Invitations
- 12/22/04: Hope
It's hard to love and easy to hate, but if you can't do the love thing, hope is a nice low-cost alternative.
# At December 22, 2004 12:37 AM | Tags: emotions hate love philosophy - 12/21/04: The Rule of Threes
The average person can survive three weeks without food, three days without water, three minutes without air, and three seconds without paying attention to a cat's advice.
# At December 21, 2004 12:25 AM | Tags: Bill Clinton cats conservative humor philosophy - 12/20/04: Christmas
Given the herculean effort our society has made to remove all the religious overtones to Christmas, is it really surprising that it's become too commercial?
# At December 20, 2004 12:31 AM | Tags: Christianity Christmas philosophy religion - 12/17/04: Conspiracies
Simply because a group of people are acting in concert does not imply conspiracy. Think, for example, of sharks during a feeding frenzy. The same principle applies to journalists.
# At December 17, 2004 12:32 AM | Tags: blogging conspiracy Donald Rumsfeld Iraq John Kerry journalism liberals paranoia - 12/16/04: Art
Food that tastes unpleasant is called "health food" to convince you to eat it anyway. For a similar reason, some types of entertainment are called "art".
# At December 16, 2004 12:28 AM | Tags: art culture humor philosophy - 12/15/04: Terrorism
The moment you decide that your problems are somebody else's fault, you've taken the first step on the road to hell.
# At December 15, 2004 12:33 AM | Tags: cats conservative philosophy terrorism War and Peace War on Terror - 12/14/04: Marketing
If a book claims to be "even better than" some other book, go buy the other book. You can't judge a book by its cover, but it's perfectly permissible to judge it by another book's cover.
# At December 14, 2004 12:25 AM | Tags: humor literature philosophy - 12/13/04: Measuring
Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
# At December 13, 2004 12:43 AM | Tags: cats Christianity morality religion - 12/10/04: The Three-Minute Rule
A cat's romantic relationships generally last no more than three minutes. Any relationship that lasts longer than that is going to develop problems somewhere along the line. The fact that we limit our relationships to three minutes is is why there are so many happy cats.
# At December 10, 2004 12:46 AM | Tags: abortion cats mating philosophy rights - 12/09/04: Abortion
If it is an article of faith that a fertilized egg is a human being, it is equally an article of faith that a fertilized egg is an anomalous mass of tissue. Simply because a belief system is inhumane does not make it scientific.
# At December 9, 2004 12:39 AM | Tags: abortion conservative philosophy religion - 12/08/04: Resources
It is probably a good idea to listen to your parents. Life is full of dramatically painful lessons that you really don't want to learn the hard way.
# At December 8, 2004 12:26 AM | Tags: culture parents philosophy - 12/07/04: Hindsight
People who do not know history are doomed to repeat it; however, people who spend all their time second-guessing the past run the risk of not being around when the future actually happens.
# At December 7, 2004 12:32 AM | Tags: conservative humor philosophy - 12/06/04: Scholarship
You don't have to be stupid to be wrong. For example, a whole lot of very smart people thought for a very long time that the Earth was the center of the solar system.
# At December 6, 2004 12:22 AM | Tags: humor philosophy - 12/03/04: Elephants
If human religion's search for God is like blind men examining an elephant, we are all going straight to hell.
# At December 3, 2004 12:34 AM | Tags: conservative philosophy religion truth - 12/02/04: Fairness
There are two kinds of people who talk about fairness: those who want something from you, and those who want something from somebody else.
# At December 2, 2004 12:40 AM | Tags: conservative humor liberals philosophy - 12/01/04: Groupthink
There is no task so simple and so obvious that it cannot be made virtually impossible by assigning it to a committee.
# At December 1, 2004 12:30 AM | Tags: humor legislation philosophy - 11/30/04: Locks
If disarmament is the best way to achieve peace, then leaving your car unlocked is the best way to keep it from being stolen.
# At November 30, 2004 12:23 AM | Tags: conservative philosophy War and Peace - 11/29/04: Harmony
To assert that a group of people are living in harmony with nature is simply a different way of saying that they live like animals.
# At November 29, 2004 12:49 AM | Tags: conservative environmentalism evolution philosophy political correctness - 11/24/04: Stampedes
Whenever you see a herd of people stampeding toward an idea, you can be sure the truth is in a different direction.
# At November 24, 2004 12:31 AM | Tags: Dan Rather philosophy political correctness skepticism - 11/23/04: The Great Divide
Conservatives feel about commerce the way liberals feel about sex: if it's between consenting adults it should be legal, and if somebody gets screwed, it's their problem.
# At November 23, 2004 2:18 AM | Tags: capitalism conservative economics humor parody philosophy - 11/22/04: Multiculturalism
If you ask for special treatment, that's selfishness. If you gather a group of 1000 people and ask that all of them be given special treatment, you're a crusader for the masses. Thus, the importance of groups is that they allow you to be greedy without getting accused of selfishness.
# At November 22, 2004 12:30 AM | Tags: affirmative action conservative diversity humor liberals philosophy political correctness - 11/19/04: Morality
It is better to be moral than smart.
# At November 19, 2004 1:10 AM | Tags: conservative Jimmy Carter morality philosophy Ronald Reagan - 11/18/04: Markets
The benefit of the free market is not that it rewards people for being talented or smart. Instead, it comes from the fact that we are all better off because someone was stupid enough to think you could put an entire computer on a single circuit chip.
# At November 18, 2004 12:26 AM | Tags: capitalism conservative humor philosophy - 11/17/04: Fishing
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you'll spend the rest of your life paying fines for misuse of wetlands.
# At November 17, 2004 12:26 AM | Tags: conservative environmentalism humor lawyers satire - 11/16/04: Marxism
From each according to his ability, to each according to his need is a fancy way of saying that society should work its citizens to death in exchange for subsistence-level poverty. To the extent that communism has failed, it is only in the fact that the citizenry should have been a lot worse off.
# At November 16, 2004 1:01 AM | Tags: capitalism communism conservative humor - 11/15/04: Capitalism
Socialism is an idea; capitalism is a law of nature.
# At November 15, 2004 12:19 AM | Tags: capitalism conservative economics socialized medicine - 11/12/04: Divine Right
There is no such creature as the rightful king of ANYTHING.
# At November 12, 2004 1:25 AM | Tags: conservative diversity monarchy philosophy - 11/11/04: Journeys
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. It's also true that it takes only a single step to fall off the edge of a cliff.
# At November 11, 2004 12:05 AM | Tags: humor philosophy - 11/10/04: Statistics
Statistical differences between groups are useless when trying to evaluate an individual. For example, the average man is stronger than the average woman, but my pet Bruce can barely lift half his weight, while his daughter can cheerfully throw him through a window.
# At November 10, 2004 12:16 AM | Tags: conservative diversity philosophy racism statistics - 11/09/04: Fear
It's rational to fear what you don't understand. If you've never seen a snake before, it would be a big mistake to examine its teeth.
# At November 9, 2004 12:21 AM | Tags: humor parody philosophy - 11/08/04: Understanding
When somebody tells you you're the only one who understands them, make sure you still have your wallet and then run away as fast as you can. They're not paying you a compliment: they're bragging about themselves.
# At November 8, 2004 12:17 AM | Tags: humor philosophy - 11/05/04: Religion
The problem with people is not that they don't believe in God. It's that they think they're smarter than He is.
# At November 5, 2004 1:58 AM | Tags: conservative humor morality philosophy religion satire - 11/04/04: Forgiveness
To err is human and to forgive is divine, but to stop whining and get on with the rest of your life is positively cat-like.
# At November 4, 2004 12:22 AM | Tags: cats humor philosophy - 11/03/04: Anger
Anger is only helpful when you need to apply force. This was great when the biggest danger facing mankind was a hungry saber-tooth tiger, but it's completely inappropriate in a society governed by wealth and words.
# At November 3, 2004 1:44 AM | Tags: anger conservative humor mozzarella cheese satire - 11/02/04: Politicians
- 11/01/04: Liberty
Liberty is not the right to vote. It is the right to live your life without the government completely screwing it up.
# At November 1, 2004 12:17 AM | Tags: conservative government Guatemala liberty Rios Montt - 10/29/04: Independence
A Republican always votes for the Republican. A Democrat always votes for the Democrat. An Independent carefully measures the qualifications of both candidates, and then always votes for the Democrat.
# At October 29, 2004 12:25 AM | Tags: Democrats independents politics satire - 10/28/04: Rights and Lefts
- Libertarians believe that no one has the right to tell somebody else how to live.
- Conservatives believe that only God has the right to tell somebody else how to live.
- Liberals believe that only liberals have the right to tell somebody else how to live.
- Populists believe that everybody has the right to tell somebody else how to live.
# At October 28, 2004 12:22 AM | Tags: conservative liberals libertarians - 10/27/04: Light
- 10/26/04: Monkeys and Typewriters
If ten thousand primates spend ten years typing on ten thousand typewriters, one of them will predict the next terror attack.
# At October 26, 2004 12:03 AM | Tags: conservative imagination intelligence predictions - 10/25/04: Small Good Deeds
- 10/22/04: Laughter
Laugh, and the whole world laughs with you. Cry, and every lawyer in a 10-mile radius will give you his business card.
# At October 22, 2004 12:34 AM | Tags: conservative humor lawyers - 10/21/04: Idleness
If idle hands are the devil's workshop, an idle mind is his nuclear-powered manufacturing plant.
# At October 21, 2004 12:36 AM | Tags: conservative conspiracy Farenheit 9/11 humor movies - 10/20/04: Ignorance
- 10/19/04: Wisdom
Intelligence is the ability to look at something you've just done and say "I was an idiot." Maturity is the ability to look at the person you were five years ago and say "I was an idiot." Wisdom is knowing that five years from now you're going to look back at this point in time and say "I WAS AN IDIOT!"
# At October 19, 2004 8:25 AM | Tags: maturity philosophy truth wisdom - 10/18/04: Perserverance
